Woof Woofington

Sail Away...In A Canoe

 

Picture: John and Anne Darwin smile for the cameras in Panama

It's a tough one.

You're married with two sons.  Your husband (and maybe with your knowledge) has got into serious debt. He plays away from home.  In America, no less.  You don't leave him.  But he leaves you...in a canoe. To fake his own death.  You know he is - still - very much alive but you play along with his grand plan to get out of debt by claiming on the life assurance.  You pretend to your two sons that dad is dead.  Their world falls apart.  Except he isn't dead and is, in fact, living next door, in a secret hideaway!

And then you b*gger off to Panama to start a new life with Mr Disappearance - the man who won't be winning this year's Husband of the Year or Father of the Year.

But, when the grand plan is uncovered, you are arrested for all sorts of fraudulent activities.  And then you have to take the witness stand, when it is revealed that you didn't want any of it to happen and that you were under your husband's control.  All along.

So, your honour, it's not really my fault, is it?  That's what you could be saying.

As I say, it's a tough one; the story of John and Anne Darwin looks like an open and shut case.  But is it?  Surely, you might think, she could have left him and spared her sons further anguish.  But she didn't. Whether it was fear or greed, the fact remains that Anne Darwin did not give into her maternal instinct, which surely would have overwhelmed her at times.  No, instead, we learn that she wished she had walked into the sea but she was worried about the effect it would have on her family.  But lying about their father's death was, perhaps, not so bad.

Who knows?  One thing's for sure; I bet she's wishing that she had been the one to sail away in a canoe so that she could enjoy the high life at sea!

Woof Woof

Oh Hillary! Mrs Clinton Pulls Out of The Presidential Race

So, Hillary Clinton has realised that - for now - she will not be the first female President of the United States. The departure was a long time coming, in some people's eyes and let's not kid ourselves, there were probably machinations, recriminations and ultimately, resignation when it was clear that Barack Obama had pulled it off.

So why did Hillary lose?  According to today's Sunday Times, it was arrogance and complacency and underestimating her fiercest opponent.  Was it her internet campaign (that's it, blame technology!)?  Or was it her advisors who, it seems, really didn't have a grasp of just what was needed to secure the nomination.  

One thing is for sure - America's truly most powerful woman, Ms Oprah Winfrey - will be glad she backed the right candidate.  Did Oprah's influence swing it for Barack?

Personally, I already know the real reason.  If only Hillary had listened to my advice earlier!  She needed to bring the Clinton dog into the campaign.  He would have won it for her, paws down!  Just look at Bill and Buddy; that's pure gold campaigning!

Oh well, there's always next time.  Isn't there?

Woof Woof

"Age Shall Not Wither Her" - World's Oldest Dog Could be Living in Derbyshire, UK

Oh my goodness!  I think this article says it all.

Apparently, the world's oldest dog, Bella, is alive and well and living in the UK's county of Derbyshire.

And the amazing thing is that "Bella's owner David Richardson, 76, said he bought the mixed breed dog from the RSPCA 26 years ago when she was 'at least three years old'."  That means Bella is almost 200 years old in dog years!  Blimey.

Bella still likes a walk in the park and, in spite of having just two teeth left, likes to suck on a sweet!  A girl after my own heart!

My favourite part of the whole story is not Bella's incredible age-defying story - what's her REAL secret, that's what I want to know!  Anyway, I digress...this is what made me laugh:

"Mr Richardson said when he went to the RSPCA to buy a dog he wasn't allowed to have an Alsatian because he was 50 years old".  The irony is, as everyone knows, that crossbreeds invariably outlive pure pedigrees.  And I speak from experience.  As a pedigree!

Now, all that remains for Bella to be a true record breaker, is for the RSPCA to produce the correct paperwork OR for Bella's owners to provide photographic evidence (my suggestion) to prove just how long she has been with her 'new' owners.  The Mistress has a veritable photo library of my pictures - from the day she adopted me until now!

So, let's hope our friends at the Guinness Book of Records authenticate Bella - if nothing else, she deserves our admiration.

Woof Woof 

Bilbo The Lifeguard Dog - Sacked by the RNLI in Penwith, Cornwall

OK, so let me get this right. The ever-so-fabulous Bilbo, a seven-year-old Newfoundland, who has helped educate kids to be safe on the beach, has prevented lots of people getting into difficulties in the sea and has even directly saved people's lives...has got the chop.

Because he's a dog.

According to news reports today, Bilbo is now a redundant lifesaver, even though he "had to pass fitness and swimming tests before he could join patrols on the beach at Sennen Cove in Cornwall", according to The Daily Telegraph.

But why? Well, Britain's most popular charity, the Royal National Lifeboat Institution (RNLI) has recently taken over the running of the beach from Penwith Council (who interestingly are still promoting Bilbo and his services).

A spokeswoman said: "The RNLI is contracted to provide a professional lifeguarding service on the beach and has fully trained lifeguards to do this.

"Bilbo is a privately-owned dog and does not belong to the RNLI. The RNLI will not be using the dog to save lives at sea but does not have the authority to ban dogs from the beach."

If you check out the video, you can see Bilbo sporting his lifeguard's vest which - it should be remembered - "carried a number of safety messages on it, warning swimmers about the dangerous areas".

The BBC explains how Bilbo's owner - the beach's head lifeguard - could face a fine if Bilbo ventures on the beach because of the bans in place (many UK beaches have dog bans during the summer months).

"He is the biggest asset for beach safety and for the RNLI to disown him is a scandal." Absolutely! The RNLI proposes that he is taken to schools to promote his beach-safety messages but surely, the whole point of Bilbo's presence - on the beach - was because he reminded kids, there and then, that the water could be dangerous.

As Mr Jamieson says, "...Bilbo was there in case they needed him." Exactly. I am sure if your life has been saved, you wouldn't care if it was a dog or a human lifeguard. You'll just be glad you were given a second chance.

Another case of shooting the messenger, methinks.

Woof Woof

Hovering Pencil Syndrome Overcome - Boris Johnson Voted Mayor of London

So, the pencil hovering didn't stop Boris Johnson being voted in as the new Mayor of London, without doubt the greatest city in the world. Yes, I am biased! London was my home town for many, many years.

It's funny, we're no longer living in London en famille and I miss it. I miss the action and excitement. I miss the drama. I miss the snacks! But I don't miss the violence and the air of menace around so many of the streets in this great city. And believe me, as a dog - and a big dog at that - I can still be intimidated.

I don't know what I think about Boris Johnson to be honest, which isn't like me at all. The Mistress used to ADORE Ken Livingstone when she was younger. The highlight for her was sitting next to him in a restaurant in the South Bank when he was still leader of the GLC! She even voted for him to become Mayor, first time round.

As a great advocate of public transport, she thought Ken was King. But the death of the Routemaster and the introduction of the Congestion Charge in the West (but not in the East) were too much. As they made their speeches last night - Ken and Boris - it was clear who really loved London the best! Did you know that Boris was born in New York?!

I'm not sure that a clarion call of "Let's get cracking, let's have a drink!" was quite what Londoners were looking for last night from their new Mayor. It smacked of 1980s City boys to me. I half expected Harry 'LoadsaMoney' Enfield to pop up at the side of the stage and do a sketch.

Boris really is unchartered territory - for London - but the rest of the UK, hey, the rest of the world will be watching with interest.

I've realised that I don't even know what Boris's views on dogs are! This is crucial stuff. A quick search on the internet revealed a big fat nothing. My only hope is that if he has the ear of his sister, columnist and sometime-novelist, Rachel Johnson, he WILL think about the plight of the capital's canines. I've seen Rachel with her own dog, in Kensington Gardens, which is good news. Why? Because dog owners always know what's really going on. Even in Kensington Gardens! If you're out and about with your dog, you've got your ear to the ground of what life on the street is really like. Even in Notting Hell.

With Ken Livingstone as an out and proud newt and toad man (and a destroyer of pigeons!), maybe it's time to give someone else a chance? I've got half a mind to write to Boris to see what he has to say about dogs in the city.

There will be many people waking up this morning wondering what on earth the city has done (by voting in Boris). Well, let's see. The Mistress was on tenterhooks last night to see who won; it was the first time she really felt left out of her beloved London.

There was a great Gerald Scarfe cartoon on TV last night that showed Boris sitting on top of City Hall; it read - "Be careful what you wish for...you might just get it."

Let's hope that both London and Boris don't regret yesterday's election result and realise it simply was a joke that went too far.

Woof Woof

The Power of One (Hundred Million) - Heather and Paul McCartney Divorce Settlement and Judgement

So, Heather Mills-McCartney is talking about the power of one - represent yourself in court and save yourself a wadge of cash. But Ms Mills-McCartney is one hundred million short of the £125 million she was asking for as a divorce settlement. So is it the victory she is claming?

She is very clear that Sir Paul is definitely worth double the £400 million that the judge believed him to be. Methinks, she may be a little cross with herself for sacking her legal team; yes, she saved herself £600,000 but what did she lose by not having the experts onside? Could she have got more? A lot more?

Heather has stated that she needs proper security - to hide from the press snappers (paparazzi), which I find surprising as I often used to see the McCartney offspring (from his first wife, Linda) wandering around without any bodyguards.

Who can say what the truth is in all of this?

Heather has also explained that she wanted the money to continue with her charitable work so, by my reckoning, there will be some very worthy recipients - not least the animals and those maimed by landmines.

We'll all be waiting to see if the "campaigning girl" is as good as her word.

Woof Woof

Let's Go Shopping with our 'John Lewis List' and The Public Purse

The Mistress reckons she's in the wrong job.

This morning on Radio Five Live, the presenters were talking about the fact that British MPs can get their second homes paid for by the British Taxpayer. And how! Since the Freedom of Information Act, the British public is beginning to see exactly where its money is going...

Since most MPs' constituencies are a long way from their own homes, they get an allowance to help with their second home ie where they go at weekends to do their constituency work. The Additional Costs Claims Guide - known as the "John Lewis List" - is used by Parliamentary officials to determine whether an expenditure claim submitted by an MP is reasonable. MPs can claim items up to £23,000 per year.

As an example, you can claim up to a grand (£1,000) for a bed. For a bed! Imagine what sort of bed she could buy ME for that sort of cash.

In a conveyor belt-like shopping list, not unlike the Generation Game, you really do think those MPs really haven't ever had it so good...here's the list in full:

Air conditioning unit - £299.99

Bed - £1,000.00

Bedside cabinet - £100.00

Bookcase/shelf - £200.00

Bookcase/cabinet - £500.00

Carpet - £35.00 per square metre

Carpet fitting - £6.50 per square metre

Coffee maker/machine - £100.00

Coffee table - £250.00

Dining armchairs (each) - £150.00

Dining chairs (each) - £90.00

Dining table - £600.00

Dishwasher - £375.00

Drawer chest (five) - £500.00

Dressing table - £500.00

Dry cleaning - both personal and household [items] are allowable within reasonable limits

Food mixer - £200.00

Freestanding mirror - £300.00

Fridge/freezer combi - £550.00

Gas cooker - £650.00

Hi-fi/stereo - £750.00

Installation of new bathroom - £6,335.00

Installation of new kitchen - £10,000.00

Lamp table - £200.00

Nest of tables - £200.00

Recordable DVD - £270.00

Rugs (each) - £300.00

Shredder - £50.00

Sideboard - £795.00

Suite of furniture - £2,000.00

Television set - £750.00

Tumble dryer - £250.00

Underlay (basic) - £6.99 per square metre

Wardrobe - £700.00

Washer dryer - £500.00

Washing machine - £350.00

Wooden flooring/carpets - £35.00 per square metre

Workstation - £150.00

Personal items not allowed - for example: hairdryers or hairstylers, shavers, toothbrushes, toiletries and bathrobes.

Any form of payment protection or illness cover is not claimable from ACA in relation to mortgage payments.

In order for a member to claim the mortgage interest against his ACA home, his/her name must appear on the mortgage.

Garden furniture such as patio sets, loungers and barbecues are not allowed.

Basic garden maintenance is allowed, but plants, shrubs, flowers, hanging baskets or other decorations etc are not.

Let me tell you, these prices aren't cheap! These sums will buy you some top quality gear! And if the Mistress did become an MP, I could enter Westminster Dog of the Year competition. I know I'd win. So, I think it's time for us to do some serious lobbying to get on a List. Once the Parliamentary seat selectors meet me, I am sure they'd think we were a dream ticket.

Woof Woof

Third Time Lucky - Giant Schnauzer Big Phil Wins Crufts 2008

OK, so, yet again my Friends for Life predicition was 100% right. And let's face facts, that's the best showcase for dogs - NOT the Best in Show finale...

But, no matter, a dog with a docked tail wins again. It was third time lucky for Phillipe, a Giant Schnauzer.

Clare Coxall is the Crufts 2008 Best in Show judge; she won Best in Show in 1966 with a Toy Poodle. That's the Mistress's year of birth, as it happens. Anyway, I digress.

Big Phil (NOT Phil Scolari!) the Giant Schnauzer, aka Ch Jafrak Philippe Olivier was the winner of the Working Group. He is owned by Mr & Mrs Cullen from St Leonards-on-Sea in East Sussex.

So, congratulations, Big Phil!

Woof Woof

My money's on the Shiba Inu - Crufts 2008

In spite of all the hype and the scandal (has Crufts 2008 been rigged? Really?), my money's on the Shiba Inu to win Best in Show.

OK, I'll come clean; I am not sure this dog will win because there will be calls of "fix, fix, fix" but I have another reason to mention the Japanese dog.

My lovely, gorgeous friend, Lillie, sadly passed away last month. Lillie showed me what it was to be a really classy girl. A foxy lady in the true sense.

Those experts on the BBC reckon it will be third time lucky for the Giant Schnauzer; I don't know, maybe they know something I don't.

But in honour of my faithful friend and South East London family (because her owners really are my London family), it has to be the Shiba Inu to win...

Watch this space.

Woof Woof xx

Crufts Friend for Life 2008 - Yepa Gets My Vote

As with any award where there can only be one winner, comes the agonising process of deciding just who deserves the top prize.

The Crufts annual Friend for Life award, sponsored by the Kennel Club, is no exception. Each year, I give my view about who I think will win although - truth be told - all of the dogs are already winners, as are their owners.

This year seemed EVEN harder than last, which was even harder than the year before!

My heart says - as Loolapaloola (see comments) has rightly guessed - the black Labrador, Percy should win because...he's a Lab! And he's an assistance dog, which means he has changed someone's life in the most profound way. But I must spread my support around and, in the past, I have given the paws up to Dogs for the Disabled, a wonderful organisation.

My conscience says - particularly with all the negative press at the moment - the soldiers' dogs deserve to win, in recognition of their owners' heroic efforts.

But, this year, I'll be guided by the Mistress. She burst into tears when she saw Yepa in action, well, more precisely when Yepa's owner said that she believed Yepa was her best hope of walking. There is something really amazing about all assistance dogs - no doubt about it - but when you see that special bond between a child and their dog, well, it's a testament to both owner and hound what can be achieved.

So, this year my vote will go to Yepa but it's a tough call. And thanks to the joy of technology, you can watch this small film about all the finalists - on the BBC's website

In the meantime, here's what the BBC has to say about each finalist - WITH the contact details to phone - don't leave it too late. Every vote counts!

LINDA BRUCE AND SADIE

Linda Bruce was a truck driver until major surgery on her back left her unable to continue the job she loved. At that time she met Sadie, the German Shepherd, who had recently been rescued by the RSPCA. Together they've helped each other pull through.

Tel: 09015 22 51 01

WILLIAM JOHNSON AND PERCY

Dogs for the Disabled trained Percy to be a 'autism assistance dog’ – providing 6 year old William Johnson with a much needed lifeline. With Percy at his side, William has the reassurance and confidence to visit new places.

Tel: 09015 22 51 02

SERGEANT PAUL FARTHING AND NOWZAD AND TALI

Nowzad and Tali were fighting for survival on the streets of war-torn Afghanistan when Sergeant Paul Farthing came across them whilst he was serving with the Marines. Bringing them to safety meant embarking on a dangerous 4,000 mile journey to bring them to their new home in the UK.

Tel: 09015 22 51 0

HAZEL CARTER AND CONNIE

Two years ago Hazel Carter damaged her back and was left in constant pain and virtually housebound. Unable to do even the simplest of tasks, she trained Connie, her Newfoundland, to be her very own Personal Assistant.

Tel: 09015 22 51 04

HARRIET RINGSELL AND YEPA

Cerebral Palsy has left 11 year-old Harriet Ringsell with severely restricted movement. Best friend Yepa, her Hungarian Wirehaired Vizsla has given Harriet the encouragement to overcome her disability. Thanks to Yepa, Harriet now believes she has a chance of walking again.

Tel: 09015 22 51 05

American Cocker Spaniel Wins Gundog Category at Crufts 2008

Help me because I am struggling...

Struggling to see how a pampered pooch (not unlike the one pictured above) has just managed to bag the Best of Breed title in the Gundog Category at today's Crufts?

Let me tell you that dog had been groomed within an inch of its life; it would not last five minutes out in the field with a coat (or should that say, skirt?!) like that.

And don't get me started on the docked tail...

Yes, folks, Crufts is back!

Woof Woof

"The Most Powerful Woman in Publishing"

Do you know who the most powerful woman in publishing is? Or, for that matter. the most powerful person?

Well, according to tonight's Evening Standard, it's Amanda Ross, sister-in-law to Jonathan Ross and wife to Simon, co-owner of Cactus TV, producers of Richard and Judy and Saturday Kitchen and founder of the Richard and Judy Book Club.

Lucy Cavendish outlines just how influential Mrs Ross really is:

"...one in four books are bought based on her recommendation; 10 of her chosen authors are now millionaires; Labyrinth by Kate Mosse, an Amanda Ross-chosen book, was number one in the list of overall books in 2006. The Island, a summer read by Victoria Hislop, was number two in 2006. And, famously, Cecelia Ahern's cover for the best-selling PS.I Love You was changed from pink to blue on the advice of Ross."

Blimey!

But guess what? I know the real reason Amanda Ross is the publishing powerhouse; it's not the fact she's from Essex (the best girls are, though - I should know!), it's not the fact that she has a house in Italy (the Mistress was SO jealous when she saw that), it's not the fact that she bagged the best Ross (according to her sister-in-laws). No. I reckon it's because Mrs Ross has two great loves in her life - her dogs! Yes, her Tibetan Terriers, Poppet and Bella, clearly have the run of the Cactus office and I really wouldn't be surprised if THEY were the real power behind the publishing and broadcasting throne.

Mark my words, never, never doubt the dogs!

Woof Woof

"Lifting" - Dogs "shut in lifts for fight to death"

We're all getting very depressed in our house. The Mistress and her other half seem to have a lot of friends who want to leave "s**t Britain" for sunnier climes or a calmer pace of life. So many people seem to be giving Britain the thumbs down at the moment and if you read the papers, particularly the Sunday papers, you'll see what I mean. People are having to fight to get cancer drugs, the Government is clamping down on school admissions criteria, the housing market is going down the swanny, MPs are possibly bankrolling their families out of the British Taxpayer's pocket, young people are committing suicide, people are eating themselves to an early death and let's not even start on the sensitive subject of immigration.

And, as if all that weren't enough, today's Observer reports on a new worrying trend involving Staffordshire Bull Terriers.

Such dogs are "being used increasingly for street fighting and a practice known as 'lifting', in which dogs or a dog and a cat are sent down in a high-rise lift in the hope that they will savage each other while being filmed on a mobile phone".

I'm not going to rant about the individuals involved; what's the point? But, surely, someone, somewhere, has got to ask the question - how did these humans become so disconnected?

It seems to me that young people aren't living real lives but virtual ones - living through computers and mobile phones. Face-to-face interaction only happens with conflict, anger and putting on a front.

The Mistress has vowed not to leave the UK because she doesn't want to put me on a plane (in a crate) but, with news headlines like these, I think she may reconsider.

Woof Woof

One Man and His Dog

The Mistress is in bits. This is not good.

One of her friends gave her a copy of Dogs Today magazine, which she sat down to read, cover to cover, on the long train journey home. First, it's The Labrador Rescue Trust's 20th birthday this year, and, quite frankly, this wonderful charity deserves all the publicity it can get. Yes, I am biased but if you are thinking about getting a Labrador, why not consider a rescue one? The best dogs are!!! Only joking! You can see the article here

But, there was also a piece by my favourite vet, Bruce Fogle, referring to the loss of his dog, Macy. This was a massive shock; Macy is younger than me. Anyway, Bruce wrote an amazing piece for The Independent, which you can read here BUT BE WARNED, there will be tears. That's why the Mistress is in bits. Bruce Fogle is an amazing vet and a deeply compassionate human being; I am very lucky to have been treated by him. It was when he described burying his dog that was too much for the Mistress:

"Mock me if you must, but I buried with her all the lost tennis balls that she'd found in the park during the previous month and proudly carried back to the car, 11 of them."

This year I will be 12 - it sounds so young - but for a dog that's beginning to be old age! I know the Mistress thinks about my passing, a lot. Only in the way that she utterly dreads it. But in the meantime, I'm here, enjoying life, still me, just ever so slightly more eccentric. And less energetic - unless snacks are involved, of course.

Disgraced Tory MP, Derek Conway, Is A (Fat) Cat Man

So, Derek Conway, suspended Tory MP for Old Bexley and Sidcup, has been caught out. His sons have, apparently, been paid hefty sums for doing not very much. The story is running and running because, of course, it's British Taxpayers' money that has been funding the Conway Family Firm.

I don't know what to make of it all but here's a thing; did you know Mr Conway once headed the cat charity, Cats Protection (or CPL - Cats Protection League, as it was known then). His tenure was short and sweet; or was it? Why did he leave? Did he jump or was he pushed? I think we should be told.

Questions, questions, questions! So, given that everyone is innocent until proven guilty, let's hope that this incident is not a return of the Tory Fat Cats. That would NEVER do!!! Surely, Dave aka Mr Cameron would not stand for it.

In the meantime, I can't help thinking what might have been if a former dog charity boss had been caught but then again, it just wouldn't have happened.

Woof Woof

What about Inca? Ben Fogle's Extreme Dreams

The Mistress has discovered Sky+, which allows her to watch all sorts of programmes that she would never be able to see in 'real time'. Ben Fogle's Extreme Dreams is one such item.

Apparently, this series is already halfway through but she heard those Loose Women talking about it today and she decided to tape it! Well, Sky+ it!

I think she liked it but I found myself wondering where the dogs were! I've got to come clean, I have met Ben Fogle (oh yes) and his dog, Inca. She and I used to frequent the same park. We have met them several times, even in the pre-Castaway days when Inca was a puppy (and SOOO cute, if I say so myself)! Mr Fogle junior (I know his dad, Bruce Fogle, too - he's the Mistress's hero!) is lovely - he always made a fuss of me - so I won't her him dissed!

Anyway, my concern about all his adventures is...what about Inca? I know she's looked after and gets on well with his wife's dog, Maggi (all documented on his website) but surely man and dog need to be together?!

But Ben has important work to do - he has to help people realise their dreams and, sadly, there is no room for his black Labrador. This time! I hope Inca will come back on our screens soon; I think she could use her own canine charm to good effect.

Woof Woof

PS Tomorrow I am going to write about a new dog blog I have found (well, they found me). And I am very happy to discover they are linked to one of the Mistress's favourite charities, Hearing Dogs for the Deaf.

Are you a "twitcher"?

Roll up, roll up, it's the Big Garden Birdwatch, organised by the feathered friends' best friends, the RSPB.

Basically, you spend an hour in your garden or balcony and check out just how many tweeters you clock. Sounds easy enough to me and it's a guarantee that Jeremy Clarkson will rant about the results!

Last year, nearly half a million people took part and they counted 6,000,000 birds (from 236,000 gardens)

I'm doing my own version of birdwatch. The neighbours' cat tends to come into our garden all the time so any birds are at risk. So, I just run around barking, banishing her from my turf. Trouble is, she keeps coming back. Cats are like that; they think they are superior but, let's face it, top dog is...top dog!

Woof Woof

Trouble is in Trouble! Leona Helmsley's Dog Receives Death Threats

A Maltese Terrier...

Imagine this. You're a white Maltese Terrier called Trouble. You happen to have Leona Helmsley (she of New York hotels fame) as your owner until she dies earlier this year. As a result, you inherit a whopping $12 million (£5.8 million pounds to you and me) and your future is guaranteed. Or is it?

In spite of having made provision for Trouble, Leona Helmsley may have, inadvertently, cut her pet pooch's life short by leaving her so much money AND for not getting her trained. Trouble enjoys "chef-cooked meals", is groomed regularly and has the best medical care - all adding up to an eye-watering $300,000 a year or £145,000. But but but Trouble has a reputation for biting people - allegedly - and his Mistress had a reputation as the "Queen of Mean", once saying that only "little people pay tax".

What a pair they must have made, Trouble and her Mistress.

In the meantime, as and when Trouble dies, any remaining money from her trustfund will go to the charitable foundations that have already inherited most of the hotel magnate's estate.

Trouble had better be kind to her temporary carers!

Woof Woof

Ruff Diamond

Now, I STILL don't approve of Harrods pet department because they sell puppies direct from the shop. That is still a big NO-NO in my book. But let's not go there...

According to tonight's Evening Standard, Harrods is selling something I would be VERY interested in receiving in MY Christmas stocking. Jewellery designer, Stephen Webster, (he who made Madonna's wedding ring) has created a one-off (collar) with "six two carat diamonds with a 2.23 carat centre stone set into a leather collar, an 18 carat gold bone hanging from the centre and "Ruff Diamond" spelled out in 18 carat gold."

Not bad, not bad at all. This absolutely fabulous collar is a snip at £500,000.00. Yep, half a million pounds. Sadly, I think the lucky dog will either belong to a WAG or be shipped over for Britney's, Mischa Barton's, Nicole Richie's or Paris Hilton's latest pet pooch.

But I can dream...

Woof Woof

Richard Branson and Virgin Money Save My Crib aka Northern Rock

The Mistress and her other half have got their mortgage with Northern Rock. They've also got shares in the bank that got itself into a pickle with American mortgage lending. Dear oh dear! That means my crib was under threat...well, that's what I reckon.

As the Mistress and her other half are also British Tax Payers, they've paid twice over for the mortgage. Oh no!!!

Anyway, a knight in shining armour (Sir Richard Branson, no less) could be Northern Rock's saviour with head of Virgin Money, Jayne-Anne Gadhia.

They seem to be Northern Rock's saviour-of-choice and they get our new Chancellor, Alastair Darling, out of a tight hole.

So, watch this space. My kennel may be saved after all.

Woof Woof