Woof Woofington

The Mutz Nutz Really Is The Dog's B*****cks

There's a new shop on the block - it's called The Mutz Nutz and it really is the dog's b****cks, you might say.

This part of town (west London) is well served for pet shops - I've been to them all - but they are not destination shops ie you wouldn't travel specifically to use them. But Mutz Nutz is very much for the pampered pooch (which I am) who can be spoilt rotten.

Owned by model Andrew Cooper, the store is run by two very helpful women and their partners in crime (Duke and Missy - two American Bulldogs who relax downstairs).

This is a doggy emporium par excellence; from gorgeous collars and leads, fabulous treats (catering for the greedy dog like me and the more discerning or restricted diet hound), books, cards, bowls, beds, regular dog food. You name it, they've got it. And it's all so stylish!

The Mistress bought just one item because she said if she started spending, she wouldn't stop. Yes, it really is like a candy store for dogs and their owners.

I hope the guys at Mutz Nutz (Westbourne Park Road, W11) do really well and, I have to be honest, it's for selfish reasons. Much of their stock is sourced from the US, who are light years ahead in terms of doggy apparel. And no, I'm not talking about doggy strollers! My best collars and leads are from NYC or LA but only if the Mistress is going there. Now she can just pop in and buy me something fabulous without having to go through airport security.

The only downside is I will now have to be on best behaviour if I am to see any of these goodies!

Woof Woof

Claudia Schiffer and her Troublesome Dogs

German Supermodel, Claudia Schiffer is in trouble with her local neighbours - allegedly. And since Ms Schiffer is a litigious kinda gal, I am going to be very careful what I say, even though The Times has already reported this story today.

Yes, Ms Schiffer (and her husband, Matthew Vaughn - he of Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels fame - and Layer Cake, of course) have had to fork out cash to pay for a neighbour's injured dog. The dogs in the doghouse are Roxy (German Shepherd) and Oscar (Irish Wolfhound) and the Schiffer-Vaughns can expect a visit from the police anytime soon. Their home is even, it is alleged, on the Royal Mail's Danger List (dangerous to visit).

The thing is, Ms Schiffer used to live around the corner from us but closer to the park. Usually, Oscar was walked by someone else - a hired hand - dog walker, housekeeper, whatever. Well, what can you expect, you might say, a busy girl like Claudia doesn't have time to walk her dogs!

But now that the dogs and their owners live on a big estate, I expect the dogs aren't "walked" in the same way but just let loose. It is, after all, like a giant park right outside your front door. The Mistress knows someone who used to live in London with his pet pooch but he hit the big time and bought some land out of London. He said the biggest joy was not having to walk his dog any more; she had the run of the place but then he was out there with her.

Personally, I think there is an easy solution; Matthew Vaughn (the dogs' other owner) is a well-connected man. He could call in his top mate, Vinnie Jones, to sort the dogs out and then get the new James Bond, Daniel Craig (formerly of Layer Cake) to add the final touches to the newly-trained pooches.

Yes, Oscar and Roxy will be reformed characters; shaken but not stirred. And the villagers can enjoy their walks in peace once more.

Woof Woof

Neighbours From Hell

So, the UK's most famous neighbours - Messrs Blair and Brown from numbers 10 and 11 Downing Street - have allowed their private squabble (or should that be power struggle?!) to escalate into headline news. Big time! The consensus seems to be that we can't say for sure who will be living there 12 months from now. Let's hope it doesn't descend into a Scotland v England bunfight!

Whenever you move, however much research you do, there is one element of the whole equation that you can’t predict and that is what the neighbours are like – unless you stay within the same street, of course.

I’ve mentioned how lovely our neighbours are; we’re a real community in our block, which is pretty rare for central London. But clearly this mutual love is not nationwide; this week there have been several “neighbours from hell” stories and they have often included or been about the dog!

First was an 83-year-old grandmother (Mrs Elizabeth Sterland) who – allegedly - set fire to her neighbour’s home while she was on holiday because the neighbour (Mrs Ebsworth) had complained about the dog. When Mrs Ebsworth returned, her front door had been damaged and she explained to the court that she had written “a very polite letter about two weeks before I went on holiday asking her to keep the dog quiet”. The verdict has yet to be delivered.

And then there is Colin Watts from a Dalton cul-de-sac who made his neighbours’ lives “hell” for months; he has, apparently, breached a restraining order and kept calling out his neighbour’s dead dog’s name. Imagine that. How spiteful! How mean!

Sadly, these nasty neighbours are not restricted to the newspapers. The Mistress’s mother lives in a small village; I go there from time to time, particularly in the summer. It’s a fairly dog-friendly place – the local pub has dogs, loads of neighbours have dogs and they all, more or less, get on. One young couple lived with their two pet dogs next to a more senior couple (he was a former man of the cloth – Anglican, of course!) The senior couple, who tried to ingratiate themselves with everyone when they first arrived, are now fairly unpopular in the village; they treat their horses badly and let their own dogs run riot.

The young couple – who shall remain nameless – started to receive complaints from Mr and Mrs Ex-Vicar that one of their dogs was barking when they were out. The complaints started off in an informal, “friendly” way but soon escalated to the point where the young couple decided they must part with their beloved Labrador and give him a place where, should he feel so inclined, he could be as vocal as he liked. The couple were devastated but kept the smaller dog and this dog went to work with his mistress or master every day.

And then the complaints started again. The senior couple wrote a letter saying that the one remaining dog had been barking. So, when they met face to face, the younger couple questioned when this noise occurred and slowly but surely it became clear that the complaints were spurious. On the days that the dog had supposedly been barking his head off and disturbing the former man of god and his lady wife, he was, in fact, at work with his mistress.

And then the horrible truth dawned on this lovely young couple; their other dog had probably never barked to the level alleged by the nasty neighbours – if at all. After all, no-one else had complained. And they had given him away because they felt they had no option.

Imagine that! Of course, in that case, I wouldn’t blame them if they felt compelled to retaliate but, sadly, they are far too nice and would never resort to such tactics. In the meantime, the ex-clergyman and his wife continue with their aspirations of grandeur and like to “lord” it over everyone else.

Caveat Emptor? Yes, indeed! But remember, check out the neighbours as well as the bricks and mortar.

Woof Woof

I'll do it my way says Tony Blair

Should he stay or should he go now? Well, those in the Labour Party who hoped that he would name the day may be disappointed. However much pressure the Prime Minister has been under, he is still determined to do it his way and to his timetable. And he said so at Quinton Kynaston School a few minutes ago.

Amazingly, Mr Blair said the British people came first and that his own party should be mindful of that. Perhaps if we came first, Mr Blair would not have continued to dance to his own tune with many policies going against what the British people wanted. I think you know what I am saying!

As for Gordon Brown, if he is to take over, I don't know what to say; he is an unknown quantity as he isn't a dog owner. I don't even know if he has a cat! What I do know is that Mr Brown is the small business owner's enemy - and are his economic policies down to luck or sound judgement?

Who can say? What is clear is that Mr Blair may have been pushed to the edge but boy is he hanging on. Tenacity has found a home at No 10!

And of course the Blairs are pet-free; personally, I think that speaks volumes.

Woof Woof

Sacked Postman Wins £10,000 (or more) For Mourning Dead Dog

Now that got your attention, didn’t it? Of course, as with most headlines, there is more to the story than meets the eye.

Anyway, this is a sorry tale from start to finish of an unfortunate worker who has not had luck on his side and when his pet dog died, he took some time off work, which tipped his employer, Royal Mail, over the edge - so they sacked him.

And now an employment tribunal has awarded David Portman at least £10,000 for unfair dismissal. But not purely for the death of his dog, you understand.

In short, Mr Portman had suffered various work-related injuries as a postman (and having seen how much our postman and post woman have to carry, I am not surprised) - all of which necessitated an appropriate recovery time away from work, as well as being in a car crash (not his fault) before his beloved mongrel, Brandy died in 2004. He took a week off work as he was so upset.

Go on, I know what you’re thinking, “but it’s just a dog” but of course, for many people, their pet dog is a companion and a big part of their lives. Do not underestimate the loss of a pet; indeed, Mr Portman could have been entitled to compassionate leave (so his solicitor said). Remember a dog never answers back and for a lot of people that’s a huge element of the joy of having a dog; after a crap day at work, you can come home and there will always be “someone” to welcome you back with open arms (or paws?). A dog is always pleased to see you! Think about it....

I’m not sure the Mistress would take a week off work if anything happened to me – I think it would probably be a month!

The sad thing is no-one in this case is really the winner; Mr Portman is retraining and Royal Mail has had to fork out the compensation award and has probably paid exorbitant legal fees. If only Mr Portman’s manager had been a bit more flexible, perhaps the outcome would have been different.

Sadly, the workplace has become a minefield; those with children are hated by those without – complaints about holiday priorities, etc; smokers are hated because they take more time out during the day and, with more employment legislation coming in every year, some people will think that certain categories of workers have it all their own way.

Anyway, there will be much comment about Mr Portman and his Royal Mail payout and I suspect most of it will not be complimentary!

Woof Woof

Mumbles Finest Calls In The Lawyers - Again!

According to World Entertainment News Network (www.wenn.com), Welsh Oscar-winning actress, Catherine Zeta-Jones has allegedly called the lawyers in - again! - to stop a character being named after her.

A new movie, Snow Cake, starring Sigourney Weaver and Alan Rickman, was to feature a pooch bearing the same moniker as the Hollywood actress - but Miss Jones did not see the funny side of things.

Revolution Films says, "Her lawyers wrote back and said that on no account could her name be used for a dog."

So that will be one less bitch in Hollywood this year.

Woof Woof

Oh my Japanese Boy

Japanese Boy was a one-hit wonder in 1981 in the UK with folk singer Mary Sandeman dressed up as a Geisha Girl. But will it see a revival in the land of the rising sun to celebrate the birth of a baby boy to the Japanese royal family?

Of course, this little Japanese prince is only third in line to the throne behind his uncle and his father. The current heir to the Imperial crown, Crown Prince Naruhito, has one daughter but even though she is his first (and only) born child, as a girl she can forget ever being in charge.

According to the BBC, Japan's Chief cabinet secretary, Shinzo Abe, said:

"It's a refreshing feeling that reminds us of a clear autumn sky."

This birth now closes the debate on whether the constitution should be revised to allow women to ascend to the throne. So that's ok then.

I feel sorry for Princess Masako (Crown Prince Naruhito's wife) who has - allegedly - not settled into royal life as well as she might. A former career girl (super bright, super ambitious), she gave it all up to be a good wife and mother. She delivered a girl and since then has been depressed; the consensus is that had she produced a son and heir, it would have been a different story.

This is all very sad; after all, having a girl is great and according to new research the economic future is female. Well, of course it is!

Japan should get with the programme and celebrate this little Prince's birth by allowing his cousin - as the real heir - to be named next in line.

Woof Woof

You can choose your friends but you can't choose your relatives

I am sure that is what grandmother, Charlotte James, thought when her grandson Christopher Munns (aged 18) was jailed today for four months. Not for the embarassment of having her progeny locked up. No, for something much worse.

It transpires that Christopher Munns battered his grandmother's Jack Russell dog to death with a 2 ft spiked piece of wood and then threw the dead pet at her when she returned home. Nice. Apparently, the dog bit him earlier in the day and he "just lost it". He had been living with his grandmother for six months.

And now Mr Munns has been banned for keeping pets for 10 years. Why not for life?

The RSPCA said that Floss ( the dog's name) would have had a long, slow death after such a continued beating.

Apparently, Christopher Munns has sought help for anger management but has shown no "real remorse".

Sadly, I don't think this will be a one-off and if he follows the usual pattern of behaviour for people with violent moodswings, it won't be an animal he batters next but more likely a child or a more vulnerable adult.

Mark my words, that rage won't go away.

Woof Woof

Girls Aloud Fans Kept Waiting...By A Dog

Yep! You read it right. Loyal fans of Louis Walsh's girl band were kept waiting for an hour while Mrs Ashley Cole (aka Cheryl Tweedy) tried to persuade her pet chihuaha, Buster, to stay at home.

The whole band were delayed while Buster tried to keep his mistress at home. In the end, the pet pooch was taken to the gig and watched from the sidelines with a minder.

According to The Sun, Cheryl said: "It was the first time he'd seen me live. It was like having my number one fan with me." Surely that should be her husband?

Well, no mention was made of Buster's clingy tendencies when Mr and Mrs Cole tied the knot earlier this summer and I don't remember seeing any photos of Buster at the nuptials.

Hmmm...it all sound like a shaggy-dog story to me!

Woof Woof

Road Rage, Air Rage, Phone Rage and now Dog Rage

Are you angry? If so, how angry would you say you are? If you're driving, are you angry enough with another driver to get into a fight? If you're kept waiting in a queue while on the phone, do you feel you could commit physical violence to the person (if you get a person, that is) at the other end? And because they are not in physical proximity, are you reduced to shouting down the phone line?

It seems we live in angry times; I've documented in this blog how animals bear the brunt of this anger. The writer, A A Gill, has written a book about The Angry Island - covering all sorts of issues - but fundamentally saying that the anger is usually suppressed but rage will out in the end.

Well, now it seems that dog rage is here. Not dogs getting angry with each other. Not dogs getting angry at their owners. No, the latest dog rage incident - the worst ever according to DC Wooff (yes, that's his name!) - occurred when a dog owner attacked another dog owner because he believed his Collie was being attacked. The Collie's owner, Mr Ronald Smallshire of Highcliffe near Bournemouth, felt so affronted that he went into his house, got a knife and then stabbed the other dog owner 31 times. The attack was so vicious that the knife blade snapped.

Mr Smallshire teaches craft design at a nearby school; was his anger building up for years?

Dogs fight and will usually sort it out between themselves. Any behaviourist will tell you not to intervene unless it is absolutely necessary (and no, I am not talking about the headline-grabbing one-off attacks by huge dogs on smaller dogs - that's something else altogether).

But this attack was scary for two reasons – it’s probably not a one-off and we’re likely to see more. And second, should Mr Smallshire be allowed to keep a pet when he is capable of such violence? Never mind ever working in a school again!

Sadly, I doubt much will be done about this; after all, while the current Deputy Prime Minister remains in office, the government is providing you with a role model. Of an angry man. Let’s face it, behind that bonhomie, lurks a very angry man.

Woof Woof