It can take a few days for news to filter through to where your truly – normally the most cosmopolitan of canines - is holed up at the moment (ie the middle of nowhere, with the Mistress’s Mother, having to compete for attention with two other dogs and the cats.) Anyway, we have only just caught up with the fact that Boris Johnson MP is to stand in the election for Mayor of London.
The Mistress’s Mother laughed so much when she heard this that I practically had to peel her off the floor.
But it got me thinking – I don’t know how many dogs there are in London but there must be thousands, perhaps hundreds of thousands – even more maybe. And as many dog-owners. So what, I ask myself, do Boris and Ken have to say on the subject of dogs.
Not a lot, it would appear. Boris did have to take up the cudgels on behalf of us when dog theft in his Henley constituency reached epidemic proportions and he was inundated with letters from distraught constituents.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/animalrights/story/0,,2036228,00.html
But that was back in March and things seem to have gone quiet on the Boris LOVES dogs front since then. Also, Boris is pro-hunting and would have everyone tearing around the countryside in pursuit of my near relatives, Mr and Mrs Fox, if he could. So I think that pretty well cancels out any brownie points he may have accumulated on the dog-theft front.
As for Ken Livingstone, it is true that one of the Mayor’s leaflets says: “We have many reasons to be proud of our city and our support to animal welfare is definitely one of these, as I believe the level of animal welfare reflects on the quality of life of a city’s inhabitants.” But that was back in 2004. And nothing, specifically, about dogs you’ll note.
The Mistress’s Mother thinks Ken is probably more interested in salamanders and reminded me that it was Ken who introduced the Trafalgar Square pigeon ban (and all the nasty stuff that went with it). Why didn’t he consult me? I would have told him straight: just give me half an hour in the square with a bunch of my Labrador chums and we’d have sorted out your pigeon problem once and for all.
Anyway, it came to me in a flash while I was out in the woods this morning: it’s down to me, isn’t it? I must chuck my collar and lead in the ring and make a difference to London’s dogs. So I’m launching the Woof Woofington Canifesto and the strapline for the capital’s canine campaign will be ‘A Fair Deal for Fidos’. I’m working on the key points right now. But, just for starters, we will be demanding:
Free doggy snack dispensers on all main street corners, especially near big parks, where we are taken for walks. (Just think – what a great sponsorship opportunity for dog food companies. Personally, I would fill them with Burns Ocean Bites. Pure fish, very healthy, not fattening. The Mistress would approve.)
And . . .
Dog-only footpaths in the big parks from which all cyclists, skateboarders, and rollerbladers – oh and dog-haters – would be banned. (Then we’d have no more nasty collisions, with dogs suffering terrible, sometimes fatal, injuries – and none of the abusive language we have to put up with from people in the all the above categories on far too many occasions.)
And . . .
Bone depots handily located near London’s dwindling butchers’ shops. (Speaks for itself really and I think it is a totally brilliant idea. It would reduce butchers’ disposal and recycling problems and attract more customer footfalls into local butchers - away from the supermarkets. “A free marrowbone with every two pork chops.” I can see it now.)
So, three down and a lot more to go. Ken, Boris – I predict that you’ll soon be demanding to know: “Who let the dogs out?”
Woof Woof
