Rural idyll? I don’t think so

Well everyone, I have been waiting to report that fame and fortune have beaten a path to my door since my recent involvement in a very exciting work of contemporary art. And that I would be whizzing in an out of London to attend private views and launch parties and special events galore. Sadly, this is not the case.

Yes folks, I am still stuck deep in the Devon countryside with the Mistress’s Mother, and her two dogs and two cats. And I tell you, being a canine celebrity cuts no ice in these parts. Sometimes I feel as if I have little more than a walk-on part in the what happens down here, day by day. Which isn’t very much.

The weather is foul, hardly a sign of the sun; instead it’s been endless rain for weeks on end, which means we don’t even get to the beach. Just the woods and the fields, where there are no snacks. Or at least no snacks of the fast-food variety, that could be hoovered up in a split second. And – being a city girl and all that – that is exactly is what I’m used to.

No, here in the back of beyond, all that is on offer is grass, grass and more grass. And I don’t mean the funny cigarette type of grass either! Oh no! Of course, a gourmet girl has gotta eat something, so I tuck in but, honestly, it’s a pretty poor show, it’s certainly not fast and I am not a herbivore.

Speaking of which, however, we have had just a bit of a drama locally, with a dead cow in the river. Now that’s what I call a really big snack. A proper snack. My fellow canine companions and I have all been to have a good look but one of them fell in the river and got stuck and had to be rescued, so now we are not allowed to go anywhere near it. (And the Mistress's Mother says that someone is coming to take away the cow – very soon.)

That’s not to say I didn’t try to tuck in, which I did. But, tackling a whole cow is not easy. And boy, are they tough? Now, if it had been cooked up into a nice cow pie, that might have been different. But the Mistress's Mother says she’s not going to turn into Desperate Dan for anyone – not even me.

And this, if you ask me, is no way to treat a canine celeb, who has her own blog - with fans everywhere - and who has recently exploded onto London’s art scene.

Yes, folks, the countryside sucks!