Woof Woofington

Sail Away...In A Canoe

 

Picture: John and Anne Darwin smile for the cameras in Panama

It's a tough one.

You're married with two sons.  Your husband (and maybe with your knowledge) has got into serious debt. He plays away from home.  In America, no less.  You don't leave him.  But he leaves you...in a canoe. To fake his own death.  You know he is - still - very much alive but you play along with his grand plan to get out of debt by claiming on the life assurance.  You pretend to your two sons that dad is dead.  Their world falls apart.  Except he isn't dead and is, in fact, living next door, in a secret hideaway!

And then you b*gger off to Panama to start a new life with Mr Disappearance - the man who won't be winning this year's Husband of the Year or Father of the Year.

But, when the grand plan is uncovered, you are arrested for all sorts of fraudulent activities.  And then you have to take the witness stand, when it is revealed that you didn't want any of it to happen and that you were under your husband's control.  All along.

So, your honour, it's not really my fault, is it?  That's what you could be saying.

As I say, it's a tough one; the story of John and Anne Darwin looks like an open and shut case.  But is it?  Surely, you might think, she could have left him and spared her sons further anguish.  But she didn't. Whether it was fear or greed, the fact remains that Anne Darwin did not give into her maternal instinct, which surely would have overwhelmed her at times.  No, instead, we learn that she wished she had walked into the sea but she was worried about the effect it would have on her family.  But lying about their father's death was, perhaps, not so bad.

Who knows?  One thing's for sure; I bet she's wishing that she had been the one to sail away in a canoe so that she could enjoy the high life at sea!

Woof Woof

The Power of One (Hundred Million) - Heather and Paul McCartney Divorce Settlement and Judgement

So, Heather Mills-McCartney is talking about the power of one - represent yourself in court and save yourself a wadge of cash. But Ms Mills-McCartney is one hundred million short of the £125 million she was asking for as a divorce settlement. So is it the victory she is claming?

She is very clear that Sir Paul is definitely worth double the £400 million that the judge believed him to be. Methinks, she may be a little cross with herself for sacking her legal team; yes, she saved herself £600,000 but what did she lose by not having the experts onside? Could she have got more? A lot more?

Heather has stated that she needs proper security - to hide from the press snappers (paparazzi), which I find surprising as I often used to see the McCartney offspring (from his first wife, Linda) wandering around without any bodyguards.

Who can say what the truth is in all of this?

Heather has also explained that she wanted the money to continue with her charitable work so, by my reckoning, there will be some very worthy recipients - not least the animals and those maimed by landmines.

We'll all be waiting to see if the "campaigning girl" is as good as her word.

Woof Woof

"Lifting" - Dogs "shut in lifts for fight to death"

We're all getting very depressed in our house. The Mistress and her other half seem to have a lot of friends who want to leave "s**t Britain" for sunnier climes or a calmer pace of life. So many people seem to be giving Britain the thumbs down at the moment and if you read the papers, particularly the Sunday papers, you'll see what I mean. People are having to fight to get cancer drugs, the Government is clamping down on school admissions criteria, the housing market is going down the swanny, MPs are possibly bankrolling their families out of the British Taxpayer's pocket, young people are committing suicide, people are eating themselves to an early death and let's not even start on the sensitive subject of immigration.

And, as if all that weren't enough, today's Observer reports on a new worrying trend involving Staffordshire Bull Terriers.

Such dogs are "being used increasingly for street fighting and a practice known as 'lifting', in which dogs or a dog and a cat are sent down in a high-rise lift in the hope that they will savage each other while being filmed on a mobile phone".

I'm not going to rant about the individuals involved; what's the point? But, surely, someone, somewhere, has got to ask the question - how did these humans become so disconnected?

It seems to me that young people aren't living real lives but virtual ones - living through computers and mobile phones. Face-to-face interaction only happens with conflict, anger and putting on a front.

The Mistress has vowed not to leave the UK because she doesn't want to put me on a plane (in a crate) but, with news headlines like these, I think she may reconsider.

Woof Woof

Are you a "twitcher"?

Roll up, roll up, it's the Big Garden Birdwatch, organised by the feathered friends' best friends, the RSPB.

Basically, you spend an hour in your garden or balcony and check out just how many tweeters you clock. Sounds easy enough to me and it's a guarantee that Jeremy Clarkson will rant about the results!

Last year, nearly half a million people took part and they counted 6,000,000 birds (from 236,000 gardens)

I'm doing my own version of birdwatch. The neighbours' cat tends to come into our garden all the time so any birds are at risk. So, I just run around barking, banishing her from my turf. Trouble is, she keeps coming back. Cats are like that; they think they are superior but, let's face it, top dog is...top dog!

Woof Woof

Richard Branson and Virgin Money Save My Crib aka Northern Rock

The Mistress and her other half have got their mortgage with Northern Rock. They've also got shares in the bank that got itself into a pickle with American mortgage lending. Dear oh dear! That means my crib was under threat...well, that's what I reckon.

As the Mistress and her other half are also British Tax Payers, they've paid twice over for the mortgage. Oh no!!!

Anyway, a knight in shining armour (Sir Richard Branson, no less) could be Northern Rock's saviour with head of Virgin Money, Jayne-Anne Gadhia.

They seem to be Northern Rock's saviour-of-choice and they get our new Chancellor, Alastair Darling, out of a tight hole.

So, watch this space. My kennel may be saved after all.

Woof Woof

"I wonder where it all went wrong..." Steve McClaren or Gordon Brown?

Well, in case you were in any doubt, those were the words of Steve McClaren - England's Manager, just after Croatia sent us OUT, yes, OUT of Euro 2008. We have not qualified.

Apparently, according to the Mistress's other half, failure to get through will have cost the British economy a cool billion pounds in lost revenue.

And the other top news is millions of Britons' personal details have been pinched in the mother of all data security breaches. Who is to blame? The junior clerk who will be the fall guy? The Head of HM Revenue and Customs, who has resigned? The civil servants concerned? The Chancellor? The Prime Minister?

People are calling for resignations but so far, no Minister has put up their hand.

Tonight, after the shockingly poor performance by England, there are calls for McClaren to resign but Steve has made it clear that his position is not for discussion. On the BBC, they speculated that he will be pushed rather than jump. Well, what about the Head of the FA (Football Association)? Surely they have some culpability too?

Tomorrow, could be Resignation Thursday.

In the meantime, I can answer Steve McClaren's question. By failing to choose Paul Robinson, a dog owner, after all, he put too much pressure on Scott Carson's shoulders.

Tony Blair used to be called Teflon Tony but I reckon the new Prime Minister, Chancellor and England Manager are all pretty resilent and like the proverbial rubber ball, they keep bouncing back. But maybe today was a test too far. For all of them. Next?!

Woof Woof

Prison Reform - Jonathan Aitken? Or How About "Dogs Not Drugs"?!

Photo: Puppies Behind Bars (www.puppiesbehindbars.com)

Quite frankly, I don't get what all the fuss is about.

Commentators and Labour politiicans are up in arms about the role that former Cabinet Minister and purgeror (he who commits purgery) Jonathan Aitken has signed up for - to chair a review of prison policy for the Centre for Social Justice.

Now, in case you are in any doubt, this relatively new think-tank is the brainchild of Iain Duncan Smith, another Tory who seems to have achieved more out of office than he did as leader of the Party.

Anyway, I digress.

The one thing you can be sure of in all of this is that Mr Aitken will have a better understanding of the realities of prison than most politiicans and err, for that matter, most of the population. After all, how many of you have been a) in a prison to visit or b) been detained at her Majesty's leisure?

No doubt Mr Aitken has got some top ideas about prison reform but I'd like to add mine. I reckon what prisoners really need are...dogs. That's right. My slogan, "Dogs Not Drugs" could be a winner, don't you think?

We already know that dogs help patients in hospital get better. Yes, that's right. They do. Fact. And don't start emailing me about hospital hygiene! Visiting dogs are well behaved and very clean!

We also know that troubled souls get 'something' from interacting with animals; the success of programmes like equine therapy leap-etc.co.uk/2.html.

If you do a google search for prison training and dogs you get a host of programmes being run, worldwide, that help rehabilitate prisoners AND dogs. Some dogs get trained to be assistance dogs; now, if that isn't a worthwhile use of everyone's time, I don't know what is! Check out http://www.puppiesbehindbars.com as an example.

So, Mr Aitken, if you happen to read this, remember "Dogs Not Drugs" will go a long way towards reforming our prisons.

You know it makes sense.

Woof Woof

The Animals' Friend Has Died - Dame Anita Roddick, 1942-2007

So, it is with an extremely heavy heart that I hear the news that animal welfare champion (well, who else championed cruelty-free cosmetics in such a commercial way?!) Dame Anita Roddick has died.

Some may argue that the sale of her company, The Body Shop, to L'Oreal made mockery of her cruelty-free credentials but there is no doubt that she was a compassionate woman with an amazing vision for the world.

Anita Roddick understood how we are all connected - human and animal - and with true humanity comes true love of our incredible planet. That's what she embodied.

Sorry guys, for waxing lyrical on a Monday night but the Mistress will be gutted, I know. Like milions of teenage girls before and after her, The Body Shop was a rite of passage and for some, it showed them what real beauty was all about.

Personally, I never understood why The Body Shop didn't go into pet care but I guess, when you are busy saving the planet, some things get overlooked.

So now, we send condolences to her friends and family.

Woof Woof

RIP. The People's Princess, Diana, Princess of Wales

So, 10 years ago, the Princess of Wales died in Paris. The Mistress was very upset, having met the Princess of Wales through work. She did, apparently, light up a room, as soon as she entered (the Princess, not the Mistress)!

For someone who brought so much joy to people's lives, her own life seemed pretty tragic and lonely, to me (apart from her sons and her charity work, obviously)!

I can't help but think if she had a constant companion in her life, of the CANINE kind, she wouldn't have ended up in Paris that weekend.

But, it's easy to play what if?.

Lots of visitors will be visiting my stomping ground of Kensington Gardens and Hyde Park so I'm glad, for once, to be out of the city.

Woof Woof

RIP. The People's Princess, Diana, Princess of Wales

So, 10 years ago, the Princess of Wales died in Paris. The Mistress was very upset, having met the Princess of Wales through work. She did, apparently, light up a room, as soon as she entered (the Princess, not the Mistress)!

For someone who brought so much joy to people's lives, her own life seemed pretty tragic and lonely, to me (apart from her sons and her charity work, obviously)!

I can't help but think if she had a constant companion in her life, of the CANINE kind, she wouldn't have ended up in Paris that weekend.

But, it's easy to play what if?.

Lots of visitors will be visiting my stomping ground of Kensington Gardens and Hyde Park so I'm glad, for once, to be out of the city.

Woof Woof