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Bad Hair Day?

Up until now, a bad hair day (BHD) was something that the Mistress and her friends had from time. And, on occasion, her other half.

But, it seems, we dogs are destined to experience BHDs too. And if you don't believe me, check out http://www.ruthreginawigs.com.

Yes, the wigmaker to the stars in Holiywood, Ruth Regina has decided to focus her attention on ....dogs!

Just when Victoria Beckham (aka Posh) has decided to cut off her ethically-suspect hair extensions, we dogs get a look in with fake hair. "Dogs are just little people in fur coats," says Ruth Regina.

Yes, those ridiculous "hairstyles" (not a haircut in sight) you see being sported by dogs at Crufts, particularly the walking wigs that are the Pekinese, can now be enjoyed by us all.

Well, who'd have thought it?

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What's worse that Pete Burns's coat?

I'll tell you what; a jacket made of dog fur! Apparently, one was for sale on eBay but readers of The Mirror www.mirror.co.uk tipped off the newspaper. As a result, The Mirror alerted the people in charge of the world's favourite auction site and the offending item was removed.

So that's customer clout in action, is it not?

Of course, a pooch jacket is never going to fetch anything like the amount that a Pucci jacket would but that's not the point!

I, for one, am glad that the dog fur jacket is verboten! My only fear is that rather than sell it on the open market that is eBay, it will be flogged on the black market and just perpetuate the trade.

To me, it IS worse that Pete Burns's coat but then I am biased.

Guys, just say no! No, no, no, no, no, no to dog fur!

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All Fur Coat and No Knickers

So Pete Burns has had his fur coat seized from the Big Brother House by local police. I can confirm that London’s new Dog Squad had nothing to do with “Gorillagate”.

Apparently, hundreds of viewers rang up to complain about the coat after Pete declared he was ‘thrilled’ it upset Jodie Marsh. Well, it seems it upset a lot of other people too.

And now there is news that if the coat is indeed Gorilla as opposed to regular monkey (err, don’t really get the difference but hey!), Pete could be facing up to five years in jail.

Well, folks that’s a complete waste of your money. If guilty, the only punishment Mr Burns would deserve is to be filmed with his make up off. Yes, apparently, he has had it written into his contract that he will not be shown sans maquillage! I ask you!

What a big girl’s blouse he is! Sadly, Pete, you have shown that you are, indeed, all fur coat and no knickers.

After Catgate, it seems it's the animals who are having the last laugh in the House!

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What not to wear when you walk the dog

Like most pampered pooches, the Mistress likes me to look the part; in other words, she has spent time and money choosing a fabulous little wardrobe for me to wear from spring to summer, summer to autumn and autumn through to winter. She is also a great believer in less is more so she sticks to collars and leads but they are from New York, Paris and even Milan. Yes, we dogs can also have our needs met from the world’s fashion capitals!

But, and it is a big but, this strict dress code does not seem to apply to the Mistress herself when she takes me out. And from what I’ve seen in London, neither does it apply to the majority of dog owners/dog walkers.

However nattily we may be turned out, the dress code for the park seems to be “don’t stand out”; instead, look as much like a park keeper as you can. Or a gardener. And I wish I were joking. They all seem to have a style bypass when a dog walk is on the agenda.

Lots of people who don’t have dogs cross the park in the most fashionable of outfits; they have abandoned grey, sludge green, metallic blue (a great favourite with the dog people – particularly if it’s a waterproof jacket) and black – and happily walk along in their bright colours. They don’t seem to worry that entering the park means your clothes will be ruined.

I don’t know why this temporary lapse of taste occurs. Yes, walking the dog can be a messy business, particularly if other people’s dogs jump up. But not necessarily. And most London parks are not the equivalent of a muddy field in the countryside yet this is what dog people wear; they are prepared for..well, for absolutely anything. In a way it’s like people who drive 4 x 4s in the city; it isn’t necessary! Actually, the Mistress is very good. She is carbon neutral and doesn’t have a car! But she does use a lot of taxis!

The dog owners and walkers of London need to be set a challenge. What they really need is a makeover from Trinny and Susannah telling them how they can look stylish – just like us – without compromising on practicalities.

Yes, someone needs to tell the Mistress and her doggy pals what not to wear when walking the dog. After all, doesn’t she realise that she is making me look bad?

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FCUK DOESN'T GIVE A F**K. Allegedly.

Picture the scene. You and your master nip out for a cheeky beer (him, not you - you're teetotal and stick to the mineral water). As it's a nice day, he leaves you outside with some chums while he gets the drinks in.

When he returns, you've been "borrowed" for a photo shoot for the famous fashion house.

After all you're a handsome brute (Boxer, actually) and you catch the ladies' eyes, if you know what I mean!

Cool, or what.

Only it isn't. Those cheeky snappers from the ad agency take your master's details - indicating he'll get paid - and he thinks you're quids in. Only you're not. Apparently.

FCUK doesn't cough up so what do you do? Your master, bless him, is only trying to get a fair wage for a fair day's work. Well, you did the work, to be honest.

So now he has to threaten legal action and has gone to the papers. All fairness to him; he may be retired but he knows how get a dog some top PR. Three quarters of a page in tonight's Standard. How much would that cost in advertising space?!?!?!

FCUK isn't budging, according to the report. They argue the pooch, Dempsey, was borrowed in good faith and therefore doesn't merit a fee. And certainly not now his master has gone public.

Well, I say, don't worry. This is easily resolved. The master needs to get his dog an agent. And fast. Soon Dempsey will be gracing the nation's TV sofas - GMTV, This Morning, Richard and Judy, Paul O'Grady (if Dempsey gets on with the other dogs). Maybe even Davina's new show when it airs. She likes dogs, after all. Yes, I see it all now...forget Lassie, the sequel next year, everyone will be going to see Dempsey - Diary of a Model in the cut throat world of Fashion instead. Hollywood here we come.

FCUK can do the decent thing too and donate a wadge of cash to a dogs' home for Christmas. Then they'll get some positive PR and it will be win:win all round.

Yes, Dempsey, who needs Makepeace? Not you. That's for sure! You and your master will be laughing all the way to the bank.

Woof Woof

Rip!

While London sits under a black cloud, we send love and positive thoughts to all the animals caught up in the Hemel Hempstead inferno.

In the meantime, over in west London, I happened to walk past Strip, an upmarket waxing parlour.

In the window I noticed they had ceramic dog biscuit jars and beautiful dog bowls for sale.

Why, I wondered, is a wax joint flogging dog stuff? Surely people don't bring their pooches there for some...defuzzing?! I know some celebrities like to carry their pets everywhere but that's taking things too far! Ouch!

Maybe they should rename the shop, Bitch in the House. After all, round the corner is Bitch in Slacks. An odd name for a shop, I thought. Come on, think about it; how many girl dogs do YOU know sporting this season's pants?!

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