Woof Woofington

"He's Just Not That Into You"

One of the Mistress's friends is having a tough time in love. I won't name and shame because that would be beneath a classy girl like me!

When women have problems with their love life, they call in their girlfriends. When guys have problems, they keep schtum. And if they're the Mistress, they decide they want to change their life and get a dog when they thought they wanted a man! Ha ha. I was in the Mistress's life WAY before her other half and he knows it! Anyway, I digress.

The problem with modern relationships is that everyone has a view; do this, do that, say this, don't say that. The book, "He's Just Not That Into You" was aimed at women to stop them wasting time on men who were wasting their time (and energy) BY NOT CALLING. But let's face it, we all want what we can't have - dogs and humans!

If you check out USA Today, you can find an article all about the book:

http://www.usatoday.com/life/books/excerpts/2004-09-08-hes-just_x.htm.

Here's a bit that made me laugh...

IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE GREG

We did an incredibly unscientific poll where we polled twenty of our male friends (ranging from ages twenty-six to forty-five), who are in serious long-term relationships. Not one of their relationships started with the woman asking them out first. One guy even said that if she had, "It would have spoiled all the fun."

What You Should Have Learned in This Chapter

• An excuse is a polite rejection. Men are not afraid of "ruining the friendship."

• Don't get tricked into asking him out. If he likes you, he'll do the asking.

• If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will.

• Just because you like to lead doesn't mean he wants to dance. Some traditions are born of nature and last through time for a reason.

• "Hey, let's meet at so-and-so's party/any bar/friend's house" is not a date. Even if you live in New York.

• Men don't forget how much they like you. So put down the phone.

• You are good enough to be asked out.

And the reason it made me smile is that the Mistress had to do a bit of the running herself!!! Her other half never uttered the words "Will you go out with me?" even though he used to phone her EVERY day!! So, either he's not that into HER (not like me!) or sometimes there are exceptions to the rule.

And as for her friend, well, we're hoping she'll move in with us (if it doesn't work out but hopefully the man in question will realise a gem when he sees it) and then she can borrow me and I will find her a VERY eligible man! After all, having a dog is a total babe/hunk magnet! Ask any dog owner...

Woof Woof

A Sad Day

OK, I know what you're thinking, I am down because I didn't win a Bloggie http://2007.bloggies.com/, in the Best Kept Secret category. Well, to be honest I think the Mistress was more gutted than me. I mean, I still get treats; I just don't have to pose for the camera to show me winning - in case I had! And in case you're interested, an American won that particular category - http://www.thepioneerwoman.com. She seems nice enough and was able to go the final ceremony; there is a definite trend in publishing circles - the story goes woman leaves city for rural location, writes a blog and wins lots of prizes (and even publishing deals!), as a result. Chick-lit has been replaced by (countryside) mum lit!

Anyway, it was a sad day for the Mistress. One of our former neighbours has died from ovarian cancer and her funeral was today. The Mistress went back - to visit our all our old neighbours - and to pay her respects to the neighbour's two daughters. Some people say never go back; the Mistress could have gone directly to the funeral service but she had time to spare so decided to meet everyone where we used to live. The Mistress cried when she saw our old flat and all our neighbours. It was an emotional visit all round; it reminded her that it's not where you live but the people you live with or near that really makes the difference.

There's nothing like a funeral to make you aware of your own (and your loved ones') mortality. The priest talked about reflecting on your life and whether or not you are living life to the full and acting with a clear conscience. The Mistress came home and was very subdued so I watched all the doggy TV with her other half. (Tomorrow I shall write all about fat dogs and dogs trying to make the Crufts grade with Victoria Stillwell and the debate about ethical food!).

In the meantime, this seems an ideal opportunity to give you some facts and figures about the silent killer (ovarian cancer) that is affecting far more women than you realise:

From the Eve Appeal (http://www.eveappeal.org.uk)

`'Every year over 7,000 women across the UK are diagnosed with ovarian cancer. 5,000 of them will die. That’s a death rate of over 70% - similar to the survival rate for breast cancer.

"With statistics like these, being diagnosed with ovarian cancer is likely to be devastating. And this news affects not only women themselves, but their family, friends and other loved ones as well.

"But there is real hope for the future.

"The Eve Appeal was set up to save women’s lives by funding groundbreaking research into gynaecological cancers. Our current and most urgent aim is to raise the last £5 million required to complete a world class research programme at University College London which aims is to find techniques that will halve the death rates from ovarian cancer within 10 years. The programme includes the world’s largest ovarian screening trial in the world."

The charity - at the family's request - that everyone will be supporting today is Ovacome (http://www.ovacome.org.uk), which is "a UK-wide support network providing information and support for everyone affected by ovarian cancer". Both charities are doing really important work in this area of women's health and deserve your support.

Woof Woof

"Children are not dogs"

So says Sarah-Kate Templeton in her piece (Sunday Times, http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/health//article1434671.ece?Submitted=true) about the overweight child, Connor McCreaddie who currently weights in at 14 stone. Connor is eight years old. Tomorrow night we can see Connor in action because he and his family are appearing in Tonight with Trevor McDonald and on Tuesday the family faces a "formal child protection conference to decide his future, which could lead to proceedings to take him into care." So what has this got to do with dogs?

Ms Templeton draws a parallel between the recent case of Rusty the obscenely overweight Labrador and this child, Connor, a modern-day Billy Bunter. But this is no laughing matter. Rusty was removed from his owners by the RSPCA and put with foster carers. His owners were prosecuted. Whilst in their care, Rusty lost a lot of weight. The dog is now being monitored closely,even though, much to most people's dismay, he has been placed back with his owners.

Connor's mother and grandmother seem to blame everyone else but themselves. It's quite extraordinary, particularly when you read his typical diet:

- Coco Pops for breakfast

- 11am snack of toast and turkey ham

- Processed food including sausages and burgers

- Lots of deep-fried food including chips

- Two carry-out meals a week

- Dinners with four Yorkshire puddings

- Four packets of Walkers crisps a day

- Biscuits and other snacks every 20 minutes

- Connor's mum says he refuses to eat fruit and vegetables and will not go near salad.

I can't help but think that removing this child may be in everyone's interest. Connor - in a different environment - would have a chance to lose the excess weight and his mother would have time to address her own problems, particularly her depression. I wonder why Connor eats so much? Is his mother overcompensating? Maybe the TV programme will enlighten us tomorrow.

According to the Sunday Times, his mother "cannot bear the thought of Connor being taken into care, and is desperately hoping that the panel will be able to come up with a solution to her son’s weight."

Ms McKeown said: “I am very anxious because I have never been through this before. I do not know what I am walking into. If Connor gets taken into care that is the worst scenario there could be."

No, Ms McKeown, surely the worst case scenario would be the death of your son, due to his obesity.

Ms Templeton is absolutely right to observe that this is, indeed, "The thin line between poor diet and child abuse" and surely we shouldn't stand by and watch this family slowly killing itself, however un-PC such thinking is?

Woof Woof

Just what the doctor ordered?

The Mistress was ill - again - this weekend and her other half is getting thoroughly fed up. He says she is obviously the runt of the litter with her constant aches, pains, ills and chills! I don't know why he is complaining; the Mistress tried to sell the idea that today could be his idea of bliss. Admittedly, walking me isn't top if his list but he did it anyway!

She persuaded him to play Xbox and Playstation all day (not that he needed much persuasion) and then he went to the pub with mates to watch the rugby. What's to complain about?

The Mistress stayed in bed and watched movies. I just lay by her side and looked cute.

When HE came back, he brought a Chinese takeaway with him. He had even bought the Mistress a little snack but she turned a very funny colour when he offered it to her. So I got it instead! Yum.

I think we pulled off the perfect Saturday, to be honest, even though it didn't get off to the best of starts. Anything that includes a Chinese takeaway is my idea of heaven!

Woof Woof

Why is Britain out of control?

This week there has been much debate about the way that guns and gun crime have got out of control. Downing Street held a gun summit and David Cameron said hug a hoodie because, at the end of the day, love is all you need. Of course, gun crime is no laughing matter, particularly South London where it just seems tragedy follows tragedy follows tragedy. This follows on from the news that the UK is one of the worst places to bring up a child. Anyone who's seen Kidulthood, will know how thoroughly depressing but correct this assertion is!

The thing is, when are the politicians going to realise that guns are just the symptom of what's really going on. I stayed with my favourite dog sitter last year - based in South London - and let me tell you I was scared. And I am not easily scared. Gangs of young guys hang around the park with their scary dogs. With scary dogs come knives, guns, drugs and everything else. You don't need to be Einstein to work it out, you just have to see it to believe it and, sadly, the Whitehall mandarins and most MPs really don't have a clue. Of course, it doesn’t help that we have a Prime Minister who does just what he likes and basically sticks up two fingers to the rest of us if we don’t agree with him.....

Just today, news reaches me that a staffie (Staffordshire Bull Terrier) was stolen from a house in Peckham- at gunpoint. AT GUNPOINT!

And another story grabbing the headlines is the BMJ's latest story (British Medical Journal, in case you weren't sure) for dogs to be given "Dogbos" ie asbos for dogs. According to leading paediatrician, Rachel Besser, if dog owners don't get their act together, dogs should be banned altogether. Well, I see where she's coming from but try telling that to the hundreds if not thousands of people who benefit from dogs - guide dogs, hearing dogs for the deaf, dogs for the disabled, search and rescue dogs, sniffer dogs, police dogs ...I could go on.

The problem is that dog bite numbers have increased, despite a decrease in dog ownership.

Here's some of what Dr Besser has said: "It is clear that the 1991 Dangerous Dogs Act does not work. For a start, it does not cover the majority of bites that occur in the family home, and only 764 people were prosecuted under the act in 2005.

"Also, all dogs bite, not just the four breeds prohibited under the act. One study showed that the most common dog bites were from Staffordshire bull terriers, Jack Russell terriers, medium sized mongrels, and Alsatians.

"Doctors, vets, and schools need to work together to research, educate, and advise legislators to prevent dog attacks in the future.

"I would like to see vets advising all dog owners about bite prevention, and doctors have a part to play in promoting bite prevention when treating patients who have been bitten by dogs.

"Ultimately perhaps the only way to stop dog bites will be to ban dogs. In the meantime I suggest a Department of Health campaign for next Christmas: 'Just ask for a goldfish.'"

Well, here's my suggestion; how about tackling the problem at source? Why is no one looking at how these anti-social people are getting their hands on guns, knives and "devil dogs"? (As well as why, of course, but for a politician looking for quick headlines, long-term solutions are not an instant vote winner.) If you managed to sort out the issue of supply, you would, at least, be making a start. Just look at any internet site for a "devil dog" of your choice and I can guarantee you will find a whole lot more. In fact, you could get your whole gang kitted out in whatever they need.

Woof Woof

Emails doing the rounds....

The Mistress's aunt sent this email over from America...it speaks for itself!

Woof Woof

If you want someone who will bring you the paper without first tearing it apart to remove the sports section ... then get a dog.

If you want someone willing to make a fool of himself simply over the joy of seeing you ... then get a dog.

If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never says it's not quite as good as his mother made it ... then get a dog.

If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want ... then get a dog.

If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't care about football, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies ... then get a dog.

If you want someone who is content to get up on your bed just to warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores ... then get a dog.

If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to, and loves you unconditionally, perpetually ... then get a dog.

But, on the other hand, if you want someone who will never come when you call, ignores you totally when you come home, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, runs around all night and only comes home to eat and sleep, and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness ... then get a cat!

Kung Hei Fat Choi! It’s Year of the Pig formerly known as Ding Hai

So it’s goodbye to Year of the Dog and hello to Year of the Pig (or Boar). But it’s not any old pig year – it’s a special Year of the Red Pig, something that happens once in every 60 years. Check out http://www.chinesefortunecalendar.com/2007.htm to see what the year holds for you.

The Mistress’s mother was born in the year of the Fire Pig so she is going to have an amazing year, methinks. It’s also an auspicious year to have babies but I don’t think she’s planning anything like that! Not unless she’s planning a trip to Italy to see the very controversial baby doctor, Dr Severino Antinori (http://www.theargus.co.uk/news/localnews/display.var.1157815.0.nations_oldest_mother_ready_to_work_again.php).

So, we bid farewell to Year of the Dog; to be honest, I don’t think it was a great year for dogs. But I won’t do a retrospective here because today is for celebrating! According to the BBC’s website, London will be celebrating all day but if you want to head to Chinatown, here’s the crack:

“At 2pm and 5pm Leicester Square Gardens will be shaken by firework and Chinese firecracker displays, which are traditionally let off to scare away evil spirits and bad fortune.

“In Chinatown itself, stalls will be selling Chinese sweet and savoury snacks, souvenirs, all day long and lion dance displays will parade through the bustling streets.”

The Mistress and her other half are going out to lunch. I just hope they bring me back some special snacks.

So, let’s see in the new year and all that remains for me to say is Kung Hei Fat Choi!

Woof Woof

Blood Diamond. The Good Kind?

Leonardo di Caprio's new movie, Blood Diamond, has brought the issue of conflict diamonds to a mass audience, which is no bad thing. The question that many are facing is, having seen the movie, is it ok to buy diamonds? Can you ensure that it is a conflict-free stone? After all, this very dodgy trade has been condoned by the diamond merchants for many years.

Well, worry not, because I've found out about a blood diamond (of sorts) that I reckon will catch on very quickly. Oh yes! According to today's Daily Mail, a company that "makes diamonds from the remains of humans" can also do the same for pets. So when I go to the big kennel in the sky, the Mistress can have me fashioned into a diamond of her choice. And let me tell you, it will be her favourite piece of jewellery forever!

Sue Rogers lost her pets over an eight year period - Sam (Golden Retriever), Patch (cat) and Lucky (Old English Sheepdog) - but she had them all cremated and kept their ashes. When she found out about the company, she "handed over the three urns to the experts".

LifeGem UK made a blue diamond for Ms Rogers, which she had made into a ring.

David Hampson, LifeGem UK's chief executive said: "We can turn any animal or combination of animals into a diamond as long as they have a skeleton or hair. I don't think we would be able to do a pet goldfish but we can do rabbits, cats, dogs, horses and of course humans."

If you fancy checking them out, here's where you can find them: http://www.lifegem-uk.com. They even have a pets corner section; very cool!

So, forget your diamonds that have funded civil wars (with all their horrors), why not opt for a life gem instead? At least your conscience will be clear - a bit like the new gem you'll be wearing!

Woof Woof

Gun Amnesty, Knife Amnesty and now Dog Amnesty

So, we've had gun amnesties, knife amnesties and now the powers that be have decided that what's needed is a dog amnesty.

According to today's Sun newspaper ( http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2007060308,00.html), owners of illegal dogs have got until February 13 - just before Valentine's Day - to hand over the dogs that they should not have had in the first place.

Apparently, if you hand your dog into police, you will NOT face prosecution but your dog will be destroyed. The Kennel Club has called this a "seven-day dog cull".

According to the Sun, Chief Constable Bernard Hogan-Howe said: "You may not agree with the hand-in but I am sure all parents will want to prioritise the safety of their children above the affection for their dogs."

Well, of course, no one is going to argue with that BUT let's face facts here, the sort of people who have these dogs, are exactly the sort of people who don't care about anything.

These dogs are, invariably, status symbols and are used to intimidate and/or for fighting. These are people, in the main, who live on the other side of the law and they certainly are not going to care about any amnesty. Just as there are still guns and knives on the street; remember, a young boy was shot and killed when he went ice skating. I mean, ice skating; is nowhere safe?

"But police said the scheme is aimed at helping people who may not have understood the law when they bought the dog, or no longer wish to risk the £5,000 fine or six months jail term."

OK then!

It's time the authorities got real; to me this is just a knee-jerk PR stunt to give the impression that the police are dealing with the problem. That's how the 1991 Dangerous Dogs Act came into being - a fatally flawed piece of legislation that really hasn't protected the public and hasn’t dealt with dodgy breeders and dealers who continue to peddle potential-killing machines on four legs.

Sadly, this amnesty won’t be the last but neither will it solve the problem. Mark my words, while anyone can still have a dog without any restrictions in place, everyone else is still at risk of being injured, perhaps even fatally. Just as they are from a knife or a gun.

Woof Woof

Friday Teaser: Spanador – is it a Spandau Ballet fan gone mad?

Who or what is…a Spanador? Is it a person who has signed the petition proposing to make Spandau Ballet’s song, Gold, the UK national anthem? Or do you think I’m barking up the wrong tree?

Well, amazingly, more than 2,000 people have signed this petition on the 10 Downing Street website:

http://petitions.pm.gov.uk/goldanthem/

At least it will be a distraction for Ruth Turner and her team; maybe it’s from the parallel secret email system that may or may not exist at Number 10.

Well, whoever these petitioners are, they are not Spanadors. No, as is pretty obvious to me now, even though I think I’m pretty clued up on the wonderful world of dogs, I realise that there is so much more I don’t know.

According to last night’s Evening Standard, a Spanador is a Labrador crossed with a Spaniel (or Spaniel crossed with a Labrador, to be precise).

And here’s a picture of one: http://www.dogbreedinfo.com/spanador.htm

And here’s where you can buy some Spanador merchandise (I kid you not!): http://www.cafepress.com/fashionpug/2305531

So, since it’s a Friday, here’s game for the office; try to guess which breeds these guys are (see below). Some are like TV phone-in competitions, so easy to work out, it’s criminal.

Enjoy! And remember, it’s almost the weekend!

Woof Woof

PS Please remember to vote for me in the 2007 Bloggies http://2007.bloggies.com/ - I'm in the Best Kept Secret section! And Friday is the last day for voting.

FRIDAY TEASER

Aussiedoodle
Bassetoodle
Bich-poo
Boxerdoodle
Broodle Griffon
Cadoodle
Cairmal
Cairnoodle
Care-Tzu
Carnauzer
Cava-Chin
Cavachon
Carkie
Cava-lon
Cav-A-Mo
Cavanese
Cavapoo
Cavaton
Cava-Tzu
Cheeks
Chi-Chi
Chi-Chon
Chigi
Chion
Chinese Frise
Chin-wa
Chipin
Chi-Poo
Chiweenie
Chineranian
Chonzer
Chug
Chusse
Cock-A-Mo
Cockapoo
Cockalier
Cockapin
Cockeranian
CockerShnauz
Cockapoo
Cock-A-Tzu
Cockinese
Cocker Pug
Copica
Cocker Westie
Cotralian
Coydog
Cocker-Tese
Crested Malt
Crested Tzu
Corgidor
Crestepoo
Crustie
Daisy Dog
Dameranian
Daug
Doodleman Pinscher
Dorgi
Dorkie
Doxle
Doxie-Chon
Doxiepoo
Doxie Scot
English Boodle
Eskifon
Eskapoo
Fo-Tzu
Fo-Chon
Foxton dog
Eskland
Frenchie Pug
Foodle
Frengle
Foxhoodle
Glechon
Goldendoodle
Goldmaraner
Goldmation
Golden Boxer
Gollie
Havachin
Havachon
Havamalt
Havashu
Hush Basset
Imo-Inu
Ja-Chon
Jacairn
Jack-A-Bee
Jack-A-Poo
Jack Chi
Japeke
Japillon
Jatese
Jatzu
Jug
Kashon
Kimola
Labradoodle
Labbe
Labernese
Labmaraner
Labradane
Labralas
La-Chon
Labradinger
Lacasapoo
Lha-Cocker
Lhaffon
Lhasalier
Lhasanese
Malchi
Mal-Shi
Maltichon
Lhasapoo
Malti-Pin
Maltipom
MaltiPoo
Mauxie
Mauzer
Meagle
Miniboz
Minnie Jack
Muggin
Malton
Paperanian
Papichon
PapiPoo
Papitese
Papi Tzu
Papastzu
Patterland
Peagle
Pekalier
Peke-A-Chon
Peke-A-Pap
Peke-A-Pin
Peke-A-Pom
Peke-A-Tese
Pekehund
Pekepoo
Pineranian
Pinny-Poo
Plica
Pointer Bay
Pomapoo
Pointing Lab
Pom-A-Pug
Pomchi
Pomerat
Pomimo
Pom Terrier
Pom-Shi
Pom-Silk
Poochin
Poogle
Poolky
Poo-Shi
Poovanese
Poshies
Powderpap
Pug-A-Mo
Pugapoo
Pugese
Puggat
Puggit
Puggle
Puginese
Pugland
Pugshire
Pug-Zu
Pushon
Rat-Cha
Ratshi Terrier
Rattle
Rashon
Rotterman
Rottle
Saint Berdoodle
Saint Berner
Saint Weiler
Schipper-Poo
Schneagle
Schnocker
Scoodle
Sheltidoodle
Shepadoodle
Schnoodle
Sheprador
Schweenie
ShiChi
Shih Apso
Shih-Mo
Shiffon
Shinese
Shiranian
Shocker
Shockerd
Shorgi
Shih-Poo
Shorkie Tzu
Silkese
Silky Cocker
Silky Jack
Silky Tzu
Silkchon
Silkzer
Sniffon
Snorkie
Spanador
Springerdoodle
Taco Terrier
Texas Heeler
Torkie
Toxirn
Toy Fox Pinscher
Toy Poxer
Wauzer
Wee-Chon
Weeranian
Weimardoodle
Wel-Chon
Weshi
Westiepoo
Whoodle
Wirelsh Terrier
Wolamute
Yoranian
Yorkie-Apso
Yorkie Russell
Yorkillon
Yorkipoo
Yorktese
Zuchon