Woof Woofington

Petometer - The Thin End of the Wedge

It was only a matter of time. Just as trends start in the US and then come over here to the UK, so human trends morph into…doggy trends.

The latest example is the Petometer, brought to us by Petplan! According to the publicity, it’s a “device, which measures the number of steps taken each day by a dog”. A bit like your pedometers then.

The first question I have is does one paw on the ground equal one step? According to the Petercise Programme, I should be taking a recommended 20 – 25,000 steps per day. Yes, per day. Of course, those people at Petplan haven’t really given us an indication just how far 20,000 steps is. Maybe the Mistress and I are already meeting my quota for the day….

The second question is this; government health warnings for you humans state that you should take 10,000 steps per day. So, Houston, we have a problem; whose step requirements take precedence? The Mistress will ALWAYS put me first so that’s a no brainer as far as we’re concerned but what about all those other owners? What will they do?

The Mistress met a new owner the other day. With a very cute young dog – just past puppyhood. The owner proudly told the Mistress all about his new pet. “Of course, it took us ages to find X (come on, I’ve got to protect the innocent, here!) because we wanted a dog that only required 15 minutes of exercise a day”. Yes, you read right, 15 minutes per day! What sort of dog needs so little? I’ll tell you what – a retired greyhound and that’s about it!

We all know being portly pooches is a no-no! But you humans can’t help yourselves (never mind, us)! You feed us titbits, leftovers, biscuits (yes, my love of all these is well documented!) and sometimes you don’t really feel like taking us out for a walk.

Anyway, given that Londoners like anything new, I guess I’ll be seeing the Petometers out and about on my canine chums.

I think it’s the thin end of wedge (remember I am already on the pellet diet) but if I am to embrace a healthy lifestyle, it’s best paw forward….

Woof Woof

Mr Blair – Victim of Crime

No, not THAT Mr Blair! Mr Lionel Blair, entertainer and all round nice guy.

And victim of crime? Well, sort of. It’s hard to tell where the law stands on the particularly cruel crime of dognapping. Just one man has been charged with dog theft since Victorian times. Of course, if you’re a dog owner, it’s your worst nightmare. And now the Sunday Express is calling for dognapping to be taken more seriously as a crime. Well, woof, woof, to that.

Mr Blair lost his pet dog, Florence, a bearded Collie-cross, while walking out with her in the park. Yes, in the PARK! Is nothing sacred?

Florence, it appears, was snatched because she looks like a pure pedigree that could be worth serious cash to a puppy farmer. Dogs are being stolen across the country because disreputable breeders (well, basically thugs on the make) realise that the UK is a very lucrative market for pedigree pups. Puppy farming is intensive breeding of dogs in appalling conditions.

Florence was 10 years old and had been spayed (ie NOT capable of having any puppies) yet she was still stolen. Of course, to the thief on the make, that kind of information isn’t obvious. At first glance.

The Mistress read out the story this morning and what upset her the most was Lionel Blair’s words about his fear for Florence:

“She is no use at all to puppy farm thieves and I dread to think what they will do to her when they discover that. My biggest fear is that she is hanging from a tree somewhere. I feel like a member of my family has been stolen.”

Surely it’s time to warn all dog owners? If you have a dog, you should no longer take certain things for granted like leaving him or her tied up outside a shop. There is no guarantee that your pet will be there when you return.

The Mistress was in Oxford Street on Saturday and was horrified to see that someone had tied up their Westie to the railings outside Marks and Spencer. The dog was clearly distressed but, equally significant, the dog was incredibly vulnerable. Anyone could have taken him. The Mistress waited and waited to see if the owner came out but they didn’t and her other half had to drag her away in case she started remonstrating upon the owner’s return.

Here are some statistics, courtesy of the Express:

• Doglost.com gets reports of 200 lost dogs a month

• The most popular breeds for dog nappers are Lurchers, Labradors, Spaniels and Jack Russells.

• 1,000 puppies a month are coming to the UK from Irish puppy farms. YES, one thousand!

The tragedy of puppy farming is enormous – too much for one blog. But Woof Woofington is on the case.

The tragedy of dognapping is that it could be stopped or certainly reduced. For now, if you have a dog, don’t let him or her leave your sight. If you do, it could be the last time you see your faithful friend and member of the family.

And how would you feel then?

Woof Woof

What happens when we go to the big kennel in the sky?

Death is a tricky business, as everyone knows. The loss of a pet can be particularly hard to bear as BBC 2’s Pets Are People demonstrated last month.

The Mistress’ other half watched it in disbelief and said, surely people don’t do all of this for their pet?
But new research shows that the people on the programme weren’t quite so extreme after all. According to the Telegraph, four out of 10 dog owners have staged a ceremony to mark their dog's death, with an estimated 136,000 a year holding funerals. That’s a lot of ceremonies.

Did you know that the Queen has commissioned headstones for her loyal furry friends? There is even a pet cemetery in Hyde Park; it’s closed now but…pets are very significant members of the family.
The Mistress’ other half asked if she (the Mistress) would ever consider having me stuffed? But she said no, quite rightly. The dog at Slough station (stuffed and preserved in perpetuity) put her right off. Even if he was an extremely brave boy who saved lives during the war.

But I think she may well commission some art; she rather likes the statue of Greyfriars Bobby up in Edinburgh. And of course, it comes as no surprise that Londoners were the most extravagant: 36 per cent admitted spending more than £100 on their pet after its death.

Direct Line Pet Insurance, who commissioned the research, are now offering a pet bereavement line. Some may be incredulous but when you lose your best friend, where can you turn? You certainly don’t get compassionate leave for loss of your pet! I can’t think of many employers who would be that understanding.

Whatever people say and however much they may mock at distraught owners, we dogs are still your best friends – even when we’ve gone.

Woof Woof

"It's like having Lance Armstrong for a son"

Yes, this is what Tom Bishop said about his dog, Rufus, a coloured Bull Terrier (think Bill Sykes' dog with..colour) when he won Best in Show!

Apparently, Rufus, whose show name is Ch. Rocky Top's Sundance Kid, is a ''couch potato'' at home.

Rufus romped to the top dog position, beating a Golden Retriever and an Old English Sheepdog. He also outperformed a Rottweiler, a Scottish Deer Hound, a Dalmatian and a Pug in the final round of judging.

I knew there'd be a Chinese dog in there ...somewhere.

Not sure how champion cyclist, Lance Armstrong, who has beaten cancer and raised oodles of cash for his cause will feel about Mr Bishop's comments. But hey, that's dog owners for you!

Way to go Rufus, as our friends across the Atlantic would say!

Woof Woof

The Karma Dog

Yesterday the Mistress asked if dogs could have OCD and I’m not sure what I think. The Mistress’ other half thinks I am obsessional about food – of course, I am not! I see food and I eat it; it’s all very straightforward. My life – like hunters and gatherers of old – is spent in the quest of snacks. And I don’t discriminate where I find them – on the street, in the park, on the bus (yes, London buses resemble scenes of disgarded picnics!) and anywhere else you humans deign to drop your rubbish.

The fact that the Mistress has had to put me on a diet of pellets to compensate for this excessive calorific intake is neither here nor there.

But I digress.

Another night of must-see TV was BBC 2’s Pets are People; it focused on Ben the dog who was aggressive, even attacking his own pack (his Mistress’ other hounds). All very scary for her! Judy, Ben’s owner, a former teacher and now Reiki healer, decided to address Ben’s temper with some alternative therapy. She got in an animal communicator, a Bach flower remedy specialist and someone who does shiatsu.

The Mistress’ other half sat there and mocked. The Mistress has been known to have shiatsu herself and has consulted a couple of psychics in her time. Even I have had acupuncture! Oh yes! But something worked for Ben because at the end of the programme he could go out to play without taking out his anger on any dog that crossed his path. He was indeed the calmer dog or should that be karma dog.

Personally, I think it was the shiatsu; one of the Mistress’ friends bought her a book about dog massage. Has she used it? Has she heck! It sits on the shelf waiting, just like me.

The final message from last night was loud and clear; it wasn’t Ben who needed to address his “issues”, it was Judy. I think if the Mistress started to practise what she preached and gave me a massage or two, things would be a lot calmer chez nous!

Woof Woof

Sometimes doing the right thing is doing the wrong thing

Readers of London’s freebie newspaper, Metro, much loved by travellers across the city, may have been shocked to read about Sam, a rather handsome Border Collie.

Mr and Mrs Mills, who were Sam’s owners, decided that with another baby on the way, they couldn’t cope with their dog. So rather than just dump him, they did the responsible thing and took him to a well-known London Dogs’ Home at the end of the week. Clearly, they wanted Sam to go to a good home and the Home would sort it out.

By giving him away, they signed away any legal rights to Sam.

But after a long and lonely weekend, they realised how much they missed Sam and went back to Battersea to admit their mistake.

But Sam wasn’t there anymore. You’re now thinking, well, he was obviously a lovely dog (family pet and all that), he must have been rehomed immediately.

Wrong. Sam was put to sleep by the powers that be because he had snapped at a member of staff and was aggressive over food. In their eyes, they couldn’t rehome Sam because his behaviour could have been unpredictable.

Both parties believe that they did the right thing. But let’s face it, sometimes when you act in haste, you repent at leisure. Maybe you’re thinking, but surely the Mills knew they would never get Sam back? Quite right. Maybe you believe that the Dogs’ Home staff should have contacted Mr and Mrs Mills before deciding Sam’s time was up? Again, correct but what if that had meant Mr and Mrs Mills were going to want Sam back, which may not have been in the dog’s interest given that they both work and already have a child? Again, there’s an argument to be made for their decision.

If a dog is found straying (rather than being handed over), no local authority or dogs’ home or kennel can put that dog to sleep for at least seven days. It’s to give everyone a fair chance of being reunited.

All in all, it’s a very tragic tale and it looks like Sam paid the ultimate price. As I say, sometimes by doing the right thing, you end up doing the wrong thing.

Woof Woof

Pedigree Pooches Lose Out to Cheaper Imitators

Once upon a time, pedigree meant something. You know, top brands that people saved up for because they had a certain cache´! But now it’s all changed; girls want to shop at Top Shop and wear their clothes with pride. Time was when no one admitted to owning a Top Shop item! Now it’s de rigeur…

The apex of fashion law, Vogue magazine, promotes the virtues of Primark, TK Maxx and any other cut-price store that you can think of when deciding what to wear and where to shop.

And now it’s happening in the world of dogs. Time was when being a pedigree meant something, too! Now cross-breeds are all the rage, apparently.

You name it, they’ve crossed it.

Labradoodle – Labrador and Poodle
Puggle – Pug and Beagle
Cockerpoo – Cocker Spaniel and Poodle
Shepadoodle – German Shepherd and Poodle
Bullmation – Bulldog and Dalmatian (sounds like a club track to me!)
Labradinger – Labrador and Springer Spaniel
Dollie – Dalmatian and Border Collie

And good old Heinz 57 – a bit of everything!

I know a Lollie (my name for a Labrador and Border Collie-cross); he's a lunatic but everyone loves him, of course. He is now very fashionable - pedigree uncertain - kudos inestimable!

What will they cross next? I can only imagine…

Woof Woof

Things can only get better

I told you Year of the Dog was going to be a winner. And I’m not wrong – and we’re only one day in!

According to today’s Times (note to Mistress, make sure you bring some other newspapers home!), pets (dogs, cats and…other species, although surely only dogs REALLY matter?) can look forward to having five “statutory freedoms enshrined in law”. And, warns, the paper, “owners who flout the regulations could face jail or…a fine…after a visit from the pet police.” It’s all down to the proposed Animal Welfare Bill.

Will it be the same pet police that London’s Metropolitan police have instigated i.e. dogs on the beat, I wonder?

Those enterprising chaps at The Times have got a sneak preview of the guidelines for cat care. “The 18-page A4 document, drafted for MPs scrutinising the Bill, warns cat owners of the dangers of dogs. It reads: “Dogs should be introduced to cats very carefully. The dog should be on a lead at first so that it cannot chase the cat.”

Well, no disrespect, MPs but common sense will tell you that. Remember the cartoon characters Tom and Jerry with Spike making guest appearances? Dog chases cat who chases mouse! Anyway, the classic line (with a very important message about neutering!!!) is that “motherhood can take a lot out of a cat”. Try telling that to a human mother of two, three or four!

Of course, when all is said and done, the Animal Welfare Bill IS a good idea; it’s just what the UK’s pets needed. What their owners will think is another matter…..

Woof Woof

Pets are People. Are they?

Pets are People. This is the title of the latest pet-related programme from BBC 2 but from what I have seen, it’s really about the best pets ever…dogs! Of course, the Mistress is hooked.

Each half hour slot focuses on different pet owners and their pooches. So we’ve already had a film about the most spoilt hounds, fussed over by their masters and mistresses. Last week the programme looked at dognapping, a rapidly growing crime here in the UK. Who could not have been moved by the poor woman who was walking her dogs out in the countryside when one was pinched? Sadly, she had already given up on mankind many years previously so this was the final straw.

But last night’s show really took the biscuit. One woman took her utterly gorgeous Cocker Spaniels, fully dressed, to visit the Queen in London. It was…in one word, bizarre. If the Mistress ever tried to put a dress on me, I would have to show her who was really in charge around here. And it isn’t her! I don’t care if the dress was from Diane von Furstenberg or Stella McCartney.

But clearly BBC 2 is onto something because Disney has decided to see if dogs have…regional accents. With the relaunch of Lady and the Tramp (surely one of the best films EVER?!), they are creating some ‘buzz’ around the film pre-release…. Although I live with the Mistress and her other half in London, I’m actually an Essex girl through and through. Will my bark give me away if the Mistress dials the Disney hotline? At least I am not from Birmingham, which is, apparently the least favourite accent in the UK!

And BBC 2 isn’t the only terrestrial channel devoted to our favourite subject. Channel 4 has “It’s Me or the Dog”, which is equally fabulous. Of course, the Mistress’ other half would never dare give her such an ultimatum. I would win – paws down - every time. And he knows it!

This week saw a couple who, as a result of their out-of-control hounds, had spent £54,000 yes, fifty four thousand POUNDS on relocating, reorganising and generally revolving themselves around their dogs. While the pampered pooches feasted on best roast lamb, the couple and their beleaguered (or should that be utterly neglected?) son endured ready meals as their staple diet. That poor boy retreated to his room, which looked more like David Brent’s office that a teenager’s den. But while the first part of the programme was tragically comic, the second half was just tragic. But super scary dog trainer, Victoria Stilwell, sorted them out. She takes no prisoners! But she gets everyone sorted. Of course, it isn’t really the pets at all – even vicious brutes like Toadie and Smartie; it’s always the owners! Check out the website:

http://www.channel4.com/entertainment/tv/microsites/I/itsmeorthedog/s2ep2.html

And then finally, on ITV’s Holidays from Hell, we had So Solid Kids (yes!) being dragged off to the Ring of Kerry in Ireland for a week of dog showing. I ask you.

Even the Mistress knows better than to suggest that other people join us in the show ring!

Woof Woof

Buzz! Sony’s new playstation game could be cited in the divorce courts…

Incredible but true, yes, a humble interactive music quiz, namely Buzz, could be cited in divorce courts across the land.

How do I know this? Because having seen the mistress in action tonight with her other half (whom I am still trying to ignore), I can see just a single outcome and it will, I predict, end in tears.

Buzz looks like the ideal party game and should, I think, remain that. Forget playing as a couple, particularly if one if you is competitive or just a bad loser. The mistress is both but so is her other half.

Catastrophe! And that is not a word I use lightly.

The game started off being friendly enough; the mistress knows nothing about playstations (she has played with HIM before but it’s always ended badly so I think she thought for the sake of the relationship….) so she was, in a way, dependent upon her opponent showing her the ropes. Only he couldn’t because, or so he claimed, he didn’t know how to play it either. He was a Buzz virgin so they could “learn together”.

At the end of the first game (several different rounds, including fastest finger first!), the mistress got beaten by just 50 points so she felt her score was fairly respectable. Come the second round it has jumped up to ….a defeat of 1500. By the third game, she was trounced; the mistress trailed behind by some … 3,000 points. After the trouncing, came..the flouncing and she marched off, calling him “dishonest” and “playing me for a fool”. Well, I could have told her THAT!

In fact, they both got so agitated that I got agitated and started barking but they told me to “Be quiet and go to bed”! I ask you!

It’s just like exam time when all those people (so I am told - I have never sat any exams) pretend to know nothing and then get straight A’s. You know the type. The mistress accused him of behaving in exactly the same way.

The mistress has calmed down now but they are seeing some equally competitive friends tomorrow; they also hate to lose – yes, all of them. If the friendships remain intact, it will be a miracle but, chances are, it will be a right dog’s dinner.

Woof Woof