Woof Woofington

Just What The Doctor Ordered

We haven’t seen The House of Tiny Tearaways because our home is child-free but friends of the Mistress have told her it is THE programme to watch – regardless of whether or not you have children. Apparently, it’s about out-of-control little darlings who have to spend time in a house with child behaviour expert, Dr Tanya Byron. And Doctor T sorts them out.

Now I’m no expert on children – although we dogs can be VERY wise – but I may have just the answer for those naughty nippers! Oh yes. And it’s a combination of two things – a dog and…walking!

Clever or what? And what makes me so sure of this solution? Well, according to research published by The Good Dog Campaign (GDC) www.gooddogcampaign.co.uk, dog owners are three times more likely to go walking two or three times a week as a family than people who don’t have dogs.

And what do out-of-control people need? Routine, routine, routine. And exercise. And what about unconditional love to boot? A dog will provide all of these. And more! It’s a win: win situation!

The findings are part of wider research about family-friendly dog walks in the UK.

I’ve written at length about my love of London – the Mistress takes me all over the capital and it is SO dog-friendly (particularly snack-wise) most of the time – so I was intrigued to see what got chosen as the top 10. Sadly, London didn’t get a look in, which is a great pity because millions of people (adults and children) and thousands of dogs live here! I think I will have to lobby these groups and show them just how fantastic London can be! Even for walkers – human and canine!

Anyway, the vote-winners are:

• Branston Waterpark, Staffordshire – All the family can enjoy this park with beautiful views of the
lake and many bird watching areas.
• Fort Victoria, Isle of Wight – Steeped in history and information, coastal walks and nature trails provide a fun outing for all the family.
• Horsell Common, Surrey – Open common land with superb footpaths. It was made famous by H.G. Wells and the landing of the aliens in “War of the Worlds”.
• Llanelli Millenium Coastal Park, South Wales – The coastal park’s biggest land reclamation project attracts 500,000 visitors a year.
• New Forest District Woodlands & Beaches, Hampshire – Walks through forests, woods and beaches, spotting cows, pigs and ponies running free in the forest.
• Oxford Island, Northern Ireland – A fantastic location providing great walks and facilities for all the family.
• Rutland Water, Leicestershire – Walk through the woods and hills enjoying an off-lead area, play parks, rock climbing, a butterfly area and bird hides.
• St Ann’s Well Gardens House, Hove – Provides a bit of the country in the middle of city, taking you down winding pathways and past ancient trees.
• Tiverton to Holcombe Rogus, Devon – A great family walk along a canal, through woods and farmland.
• Worden Park, Lancashire – Located in South Ribble, Worden Park extends to 63 hectares with many interesting features including a well-equipped play area.

I think Dr Tanya Byron sounds like a dog lover to me so I hope she’ll consider my suggestion seriously. Who knows, we could be watching Five Tiny Tearaways and Fido Go Mad in .... (you can fill in the appropriate walk above) in months to come? What do you reckon?

Woof Woof

They Do The Hard Work So You Don't Have To

Yep, that’s what I reckon TV and radio executives decided when they launched two new stations.

The first, an online radio station purely for dogs, is now available in Thailand of all places. DogRadioThailand.com features barking DJs playing vocal and instrumental music for 24 hours a day.

Radio station owner Anupan Boonchuen believes listening to music has an effect on canine behaviour. "At my grooming school we found that when we turned on music the dogs' mood improved. They were more obedient and let us trim their hair easily." As a result, 10 students from the dog grooming school have been hired to work as DJs.

Mr Boonchuen added: "One of the main qualifications is that he or she must be good at barking ... And they must be able to communicate with the dogs, even if they can't see them." OK then!

Meanwhile, parents have been at odds to decide whether a new TV channel targeting the under-threes is a good thing or not. BabyFirstTV has been launched in the US and there are reports that the company is planning to launch the station here in the UK by Christmas.

So, are these stations just a free babysitting service for children (or dog sitting service for your pooch)? After all, campaigners say babies should not be watching television at all.

With increasingly busy lives, parents have less time to interact and play with their children. Fact. Similarly, dog ownership in the UK has dropped because there are fewer people at home to look after them. Fact. The trend may reverse now that there are more homeworkers than ever but it’s too early to say.

What cannot be disputed is that watching TV and listening to the radio does lend a certain type of company. Yes, a sort of babysitter. Homeworkers will tell you that having either on in the background reduces the feeling of being alone. So maybe it’s reassuring for children to not feel so alone either. Who can say? I reckon parents will be letting out a huge sigh of relief - even if it is secretly.

I can’t say if it’s a bad thing or not but surely, children, just like dogs, need to be playing outside as much as they can. And they need human supervision, too!

Woof Woof

Nice to see you, to see you nice!

Yes, that is surely what Bruce Forsyth (or Brucie) would have said when he heard that not just one but both of his daughter's stolen dogs had, indeed, been found. Safe and sound.

This is great news but not without controversy. Why? Well, the BBC is under fire because it sent Bruce's former co-host to Strictly Come Dancing (newsreader Natasha Kaplinsky) - as part of the 6 O’Clock News programme - to interview our favourite TV host about his lost dogs. Apparently, for some, this marks a new low for dumbed down national news and a waste of taxpayers’ money. BBC News, they say, should concentrate on global issues rather than a celebrity’s mislaid pet.

For those of you who don't own dogs, it's hard to understand but let me tell you the loss of a pet - stolen, disappeared, whatever - is extremely hard to bear and celebrities are not immune to this ever-growing crime. I'm glad this story got maximum media coverage; it can only be a good thing.

Dog napping is big business (and I'll outline more about it soon) but nothing compared with the pain for the poor owners. I know it is the Mistress's biggest fear (apart from when I go to the big kennel in the sky) and in fact, I gave her a scare this week. Regular readers will know of my compulsion to eat wherever and whenever I sniff out a tasty treat and Hyde Park proved no exception.

The Mistress was hysterical by the time I wandered out of the bushes! I don't know why she was in such a state; surely it was obvious what I was doing? But apparently not and she kept me on a lead all the way home. Not good!

Mark my words, the weekend's press will be full of stories about lost and stolen dogs. Dog owners - you ignore them at your peril. And friends of dog owners, make sure your pals see whatever is written. Dogs shouldn't be left in cars when you are doing your shopping. Or tied up outside a shop, unless you're a gobby madam like me and the owner can hear you. I bark constantly if the Mistress pops into a shop without me – just so she knows I am there. But even she is now reluctant to leave me unattended.

Thank goodness Bruce's story had a happy ending. Sadly, it's not the same for many dog owners who will be feeling seriously distraught, wondering what on earth could be happening to their pets.

Woof Woof

Watching me, watching you...aha!

So, the ultimate reality TV show has begun. Forget The Truman Show, Big Brother, I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here....Londoners have surpassed them all with their own CCTV extravaganza.

According to various news reports, Shoreditch TV (or 'ASBO TV’ as journalists have dubbed it) is providing - courtesy of public funds via John Prescott's old office (ODPM) - wall-to-wall coverage of the local neighbourhood, together with a "rogues' gallery" of local troublemakers.

Fascinating or what? I bet the Deputy Prime Minister was happy to see the project piloted anywhere but his own office, of course!

And local residents have been hooked! Apparently, even though Shoreditch is an artist's haven, it happens to be one of the poorest areas in the country.

And ASBO TV isn't about art (give it time...) but about sofa-based crime fighting.

Civil liberties groups are up in arms but James Morris, chief executive of Digital Bridge – which set up the scheme - said: "This is not naming and shaming or spying, it is getting the community engaged with their services."

Personally, I'm all for it. You can see which dog owners let their pets crap all over the place - yes, name and shame them - PLEASE! (The owners, of course, not the dogs!)

Of course, if I'm honest, I just fancy the chance of being on the telly but as I don't live in supertrendy Shoreditch, I'll have to wait to see if the CCTV regeneration project comes our way soon.

Whatever happens, I reckon we'll start seeing Shoreditch TV (and any similar channels) being beamed through to our own homes via terrestrial TV and then we'll all be watching each other.

Anthropologists will have a field day.

Woof Woof

Who is Britain's Favourite TV Pet?

Well, for all you dog lovers out there, it won't come as any surprise that four out of the top five of Britain's favourite TV pets are...dogs! Which is as it should be, to be honest! Cats - supposedly the UK's number one pet of choice - don't get a look in and even then it's a stuffed one who comes in at number six on this list! (Only teasing, even I know the power of Bagpuss....)

Anyway, Lassie romps home to the top spot, beating EastEnders' Wellard and seventies superstar, Shep from the children's programme Blue Peter. In fact, Blue Peter does well because Peter Purves' dog, Petra, comes in at number four and Golden Retriever, Goldie is number 10. Did you know that the first Petra met an unfortunate end and was replaced by an identical dog?

So, the full line up looks like this:

1 Lassie, 2 Wellard, 3 Shep, 4 Petra, 5 Skippy, 6 Bagpuss, 7 Garfield, 8 Bouncer, 9 Scooby Doo, 10 Goldie.

I'm glad Scooby Doo is on the list; what's not to love about Scooby? He definitely would have been the Mistress's number one choice (apart from me, obviously) but then I'm not on TV.

Woof Woof

CSI for dogs. Sort of.

CSI is a great programme; formulaic yes but also crime-solving television at its best. And the soundtrack is pretty fabulous, too.

Clearly some environmental officers from Scotland have been seeing how they can apply some CSI-style detective work to their own jobs. And now they have come up with a winner. So what is it, you ask?

Well, it's everybody's favourite subject...dog mess. Everyone blames us, the so-called dirty dogs but surely everyone knows by now it's the owners who don't pick up!

Anyway, apparently dog mess is a "robust DNA source" so councillors have decided to build up a DNA database of the offending material and trace it back to the owners, who are, after all, repeat offenders. The local authority will then fine them for being too lazy to pick up. Well quite right too, I say.

The Mistress has reproached people in the past (who don't pick up) by offering them a plastic bag to clear up but her other half has asked her not to be so confrontational. He is worried someone is going to respond a bit more aggressively than grunting at her. He keeps saying, "you'll be decked, if you carry on like that". But someone's got to be vigilant, haven't they?

The Scotsman reports that this approach to fouling has far-reaching consequences; it's not just about identifying the culprits in this doggy drama. It's also about solving much more serious crimes. Apparently, a man was charged and found guild of murder in Indiana, USA because the dog mess on his trainers linked him to the crime scene.

Perhaps Scottish author Ian Rankin will weave this latest crime-solving development into his next book. Who knows?

Woof Woof

Evil Prevails When Good People Say Nothing - Fat Pets, Channel 4

I made light of Fat Pets before it aired but seeing it last night was so utterly depressing that I am not sure how many more episodes the Mistress will be able to watch. And remember, I am a dog with a food problem so it’s a matter close to everyone’s heart in this house.

Only one owner - of obese Rottie, Beau (full name Beaudel Bella Donna Princess) - refused to change her ways - and woe betide anyone who dared suggest that she did not love her dog. Pity the poor dog groomer who tried to suggest that Beau needed a weight loss routine; the owner - clearly angry about so many other things in her life - responded defensively and aggressively. Well, you would, wouldn't you? It's like someone holding up a mirror to a part of you that you don't like. Interesting there was no interview with Beau's vet; I suspect she hasn't been near one for years.

The owner had trained as a nurse; she knows the facts. Where's the love in creating a Rottie so round that it can barely walk? I understand that there are certain people who do the same with their partners; fatten them up so much that they are unattractive to everyone else but them. Maybe the owner was worried that the Beau would run away, given half a chance.

The other owners were just loving their pets with food. Easily done but very hard to watch.

My question is this; is the Animal Welfare Bill going to address this cruelty disguised as kindness? One owner, having been warned by the PDSA vet that her dog was on death row due to his portly shape and size, went home and fed him six pieces of cake! Six pieces! However, she finally understood the connection and helped her dog regain his youthful vigour and vitality.

The dog groomer who confronted the Rottie's owners said, quite rightly, "dogs can't speak for themselves, can they?". They can't. Yes, the groomer got a mouthful of abuse but at least she tried.

Remember, guys, shit happens when you stand by and do nothing!

Woof Woof

"Teddy Pom-Pom's Powerbase is Slipping"

Yes, that is what Victoria Stillwell said last night on "It's Me or The Dog" revisited. Teddy (a Pomeranian) was an excellent example of a dog that has been spoilt rotten - literally. He mission and focus in life was his owner! And no one else got a look in. He had become a snarling, vicious ball of venom.

The Mistress and her other half watched it and I think HE finally realised that however jealous he is of ME, I would never be THAT bad!

Of course, Victoria sorted Teddy out and he became the dog he was truly meant to be - apart from the humping!

Tonight's TV offering is Fat Pets; having seen the trailers, it looks ugly. Total car crash TV. A 14 stone Rottweiler is being loved to death. Literally. I think it will be heartbreaking to watch.

I don't know if Rottweilers are walking hoovers in fur coats like us Labradors but that dog needs help.

My vet recently said (on TV, no less!) that pet obesity is not a pet problem. It's a people problem. I guess that's true but I have made life very hard for the Mistress with my food obsession. My scavenging has cost her a lot of money!

But what's life about if it isn't to snack? And London is full of snacks all over the streets. In the park. Everywhere, in fact.

So maybe it is a people problem, after all; if you lot cleared up and didn't leave rubbish everywhere, I wouldn't be battling with my weight.

Woof Woof

Having A Whale of a Time

No sooner than you say London is scary and lonely and even desperate, then the city comes together to try to save a whale, seen swimming upstream in the capital.

Yes, no need to go to far flung places for whale watching holidays, just come to the heart of London and stand by the Thames and you too may see a whale.

Sadly, in spite of everyone being concerned to try to save the lost mammal - because let's face it, just how did it manage to swim so far off course ? - it may lose its fight for life. The whale is injured and clearly disorientated and according to Terry Nutkins (a man to be trusted, surely?) efforts to protect the whale from the River's traffic have probably done him or her more harm than good.

Some people are interested in the power of positive thinking or prayer when done en masse. So, spare a special thought for the whale today and let's hope he or she finds their way home.

Woof Woof

Pets are People. Are they?

Pets are People. This is the title of the latest pet-related programme from BBC 2 but from what I have seen, it’s really about the best pets ever…dogs! Of course, the Mistress is hooked.

Each half hour slot focuses on different pet owners and their pooches. So we’ve already had a film about the most spoilt hounds, fussed over by their masters and mistresses. Last week the programme looked at dognapping, a rapidly growing crime here in the UK. Who could not have been moved by the poor woman who was walking her dogs out in the countryside when one was pinched? Sadly, she had already given up on mankind many years previously so this was the final straw.

But last night’s show really took the biscuit. One woman took her utterly gorgeous Cocker Spaniels, fully dressed, to visit the Queen in London. It was…in one word, bizarre. If the Mistress ever tried to put a dress on me, I would have to show her who was really in charge around here. And it isn’t her! I don’t care if the dress was from Diane von Furstenberg or Stella McCartney.

But clearly BBC 2 is onto something because Disney has decided to see if dogs have…regional accents. With the relaunch of Lady and the Tramp (surely one of the best films EVER?!), they are creating some ‘buzz’ around the film pre-release…. Although I live with the Mistress and her other half in London, I’m actually an Essex girl through and through. Will my bark give me away if the Mistress dials the Disney hotline? At least I am not from Birmingham, which is, apparently the least favourite accent in the UK!

And BBC 2 isn’t the only terrestrial channel devoted to our favourite subject. Channel 4 has “It’s Me or the Dog”, which is equally fabulous. Of course, the Mistress’ other half would never dare give her such an ultimatum. I would win – paws down - every time. And he knows it!

This week saw a couple who, as a result of their out-of-control hounds, had spent £54,000 yes, fifty four thousand POUNDS on relocating, reorganising and generally revolving themselves around their dogs. While the pampered pooches feasted on best roast lamb, the couple and their beleaguered (or should that be utterly neglected?) son endured ready meals as their staple diet. That poor boy retreated to his room, which looked more like David Brent’s office that a teenager’s den. But while the first part of the programme was tragically comic, the second half was just tragic. But super scary dog trainer, Victoria Stilwell, sorted them out. She takes no prisoners! But she gets everyone sorted. Of course, it isn’t really the pets at all – even vicious brutes like Toadie and Smartie; it’s always the owners! Check out the website:

http://www.channel4.com/entertainment/tv/microsites/I/itsmeorthedog/s2ep2.html

And then finally, on ITV’s Holidays from Hell, we had So Solid Kids (yes!) being dragged off to the Ring of Kerry in Ireland for a week of dog showing. I ask you.

Even the Mistress knows better than to suggest that other people join us in the show ring!

Woof Woof