Woof Woofington

Jade Goody Goes Global

Oh dear! Oh dear! Channel Four's Celebrity Big Brother is courting controversy - again! But this time, it's got serious. Keith Vaz has raised the issue in parliament. There are riots in the streets of Mumbai and Gordon Brown's visit to India has been overshadowed by...Jade Goody and her gob!

And now, apparently, the Carphone Warehouse is considering pulling its sponsorship of the programme....

But let me tell you one thing - however offensive viewers may be finding the goings on in the Big Brother House - the Big Brother producers will be loving it because everyone is talking about it. Again.

Last year it was George Galloway and his cat impersonation, Pete Burns and his gorilla coat, Michael Barrymore and his bullying (of Jodie Marsh) etc, etc. So bullying is not new to Big Brother and neither is controversy.

This is what Big Brother is all about - generating the headlines.

Thousands of people are convinced that Shilpa Shetty is the victim of racism but Channel Four are calling it nothing more than "girly rivalry". And Housemate, Jermaine Jackson has not been a victim of racism.

And who is the ring leader in all of this? Hard to say although the fingers have been pointing at Jade's mum, Jackiey. And now Jo O'Meara, Danielle Lloyd and Jade Goody are seen as the gang no-one wants to take on in the House.

And I thought Jo O'Meara with her love of animals and determination to set up an animal sanctuary was such a nice girl!

At the end of the day, Shilpa is a beautiful actress and probably an extremely wealthy young woman. She doesn't need to revive her career - she's already outselling many Hollywood actresses. Shilpa is just hitting a few raw nerves and all the other girls are going to punish her. How dare she be so gorgeous and talented and rich!

I haven't seen much of this year's Big Brother but I predict Shilpa will win and rise above all the nastiness. Remember, success is the very best revenge and now everyone knows who Shilpa is - not just the Bollywood affecionados.

No, I don't predict a riot this time - just the phone lines being red hot - with everyone giving their viewpoint.

What they don't realise is that if they just put a dog in there, things would calm down. Dogs are great stress diffusers.

In fact, I am volunteering my services - once I get in there, those girls will stop bitching about Shilpa and start projecting their jealousies onto me. But I can take it!

After all, it takes a bitch to know one.

Woof Woof

Essex Girl on Top

So, Chantelle, officially a non-celebrity three weeks ago but an Essex girl nonetheless, has won Celebrity Big Brother.

She has outperformed global mega stars (even if she didn't know who they were), an internationally infamous politician, a reformed addict, a couple of pop stars, an actress and another woman famous for...well, I think we know what Faria was famous for. But of course, Chantelle didn't outpeform them; she was just herself. Even if she is isn't the sharpest tool in the box.

Davina begged her not to change and she promised she wouldn't.

We'll see. As a former Paris Hilton lookalike, I hope she'll ditch the handbag dogs! Other than that, as a fellow Essex girl myself, I salute her. Like all good Essex girls, she kept talking about her mum!

Congratulations Chantelle. Officially now a celebrity, officially now "living the dream" but most important just all round top bird. She's a credit to the county!

Go Chantelle, from Kandy Floss with a 'K'.

Woof Woof

All Fur Coat and No Knickers

So Pete Burns has had his fur coat seized from the Big Brother House by local police. I can confirm that London’s new Dog Squad had nothing to do with “Gorillagate”.

Apparently, hundreds of viewers rang up to complain about the coat after Pete declared he was ‘thrilled’ it upset Jodie Marsh. Well, it seems it upset a lot of other people too.

And now there is news that if the coat is indeed Gorilla as opposed to regular monkey (err, don’t really get the difference but hey!), Pete could be facing up to five years in jail.

Well, folks that’s a complete waste of your money. If guilty, the only punishment Mr Burns would deserve is to be filmed with his make up off. Yes, apparently, he has had it written into his contract that he will not be shown sans maquillage! I ask you!

What a big girl’s blouse he is! Sadly, Pete, you have shown that you are, indeed, all fur coat and no knickers.

After Catgate, it seems it's the animals who are having the last laugh in the House!

Woof Woof

George Galloway – the purrfect politician or the perfect housemate?

So everyone is up in arms about British MP, George Galloway, who is currently residing in the Big Brother house.

Actually, of course, what they are really angry about is his impersonation of a cat, which was part of some “animal role play” task that he had to complete with his other housemate, actress Rula Lenska.

I wonder, what would have happened if he’d been asked to imitate a dog instead? I bet it wouldn’t have been half as controversial!! People, quite rightly, have mixed feelings about those pesky felines!!

Catgate (!) aka George’s rather clever impersonation of a provocative puss has been called “lewd and lascivious” “disrespectful” (a rather obvious play on George Galloway’s Respect party) but most of all it has made the nation question his role as a politician. There has been much debate outside the House (of Commons and of course, Big Brother) about how a British MP should be serving his or her constituents. George’s cat impersonation has sparked a national debate.

Doesn’t this show that politics is really just like modern art? The more awful it seems, the more you all talk about it. The news is awash with replays of Catgate. Inside maybe you’re all deeply conservative and like straightforward art that you can understand at a glance. As a society, you are appalled by shocking art but you also talk about it. At length!

So hasn’t George just played the game? Isn’t he fulfilling his role of a good housemate in the Big Brother house? And isn’t he reaching a new, younger audience who – as previous elections have shown – don’t give a toss about politics because it seemingly has no relevance in their lives. And hasn’t his presence shown just how ignorant a whole generation is about just what politicians do do on a daily basis? Who can forget Chantelle’s observation about him working in that big green room?

The jury’s out on George Galloway’s future; has he really been brought down NOT by any association with Saddam Hussein but by a cat? Yes, a cat! Will he be booted out of Bethnal Green when he is finally evicted from the Big Brother House? Or will he be the one MP who really gets young people to think about how politics can and does influence them on a daily basis?

Is George Galloway – the purrfect politician or the perfect housemate? You decide!

Woof Woof