Woof Woofington

Life sucks - I've got cancer

So, it's official. I've got cancer. Bone cancer, to be precise. Life sucks. The Mistress is beside herself. She can't stop crying! Enough already, I say. Life's for living AND snacking, not for moping about full of pity, doom and gloom. But the Mistress being the Mistress, she's taken action. First she got the low down on the diagnosis and prognosis. I've got months, at most. "Prepare yourself for early next year," the vet told the Mistress. The options? Amputation with chemo' thrown in for good measure. But if they "whip off the leg", as the vet described, they'd have to go right up into the hip, as that is where the cancer is. For most dogs, the problem is at the knee. This doesn't cure me. It could buy me a few months at most. But think about it. I mean really think about it. Losing a leg is serious surgery. And the recovery... I mean, it's not as if I am a whipper-snapper now. Sooo....right now, I'm keeping the leg and the Mistress has got onto the homeopathic vet. She thinks he is God in veterinary form. He's suggested a cocktail of homeopathic remedies, which should arrive any day soon and then off we go! Tablets-a-go-go. In the meantime, I've been milking the sympathy vote and the Mistress is being very generous with the snacks. It won't last, mark my words. Woof Woof

PS I really can't get the hang of this new Typepad edit nonsense!!

Just what is "mouth to snout" resuscitation?

I love the Mistress and the Mistress loves me. Fact. But I'm not sure I'd want to snog her - nothing personal! And I don't think she'd fancy giving my chops the once over either. So there isn't any mouth on mouth action but...if she goes on one of the ever-increasingly popular Pet First Aid courses, I fear that could all change!

The Mistress even got a Pet First Aid Kit for Christmas from her mother! Should I be getting worried? Is there something I don't know? Are THEY worried I'm going to get into some extreme sports, canine-style?!

According to today's Sunday Times, "at least 15 pet first-aid courses are run by veterinary colleges and animal charities around Britain and they are proving increasingly popular with owners."

“People are more aware about how to treat each other and, as dogs increasingly become part of family, they also want to learn more about caring for their pets,” said Leslie Heaton-Smith, director of the College of Animal Welfare, which runs the monthly courses. Sessions cost £140, last one day and are taught by a vet in Leeds, Edinburgh, Huntingdon in Cambridgeshire and Potters Bar in Hertfordshire. Heaton-Smith added that the college would launch a first-aid DVD at Crufts today.

"Owners attending the courses are told to leave their pets at home. Instead, they practise medical techniques on two dummies imported from America: Fluffy the cat and Jerry the dog."

So that's ok then!!

Apparently, vets are giving a cautious thumbs up to these courses but warn that some owners may do more harm than good, which figures.

Of course, I jest about the Mistress and me but first aid - pet or human - is no laughing matter and I reckon it's something everyone should do. I think St John's Ambulance runs courses, if you're interested.

The thing is, you never know when you might need those skills, so isn't it better to be prepared?

For the moment, though, I am hoping the 'mouth to snout' resuscitation techniques stay firmly with Jerry the dog!

Woof Woof

OK, I snore. Do you?

According to yesterday's Times, there is a homeopathic remedy for dogs who snore! So paws up, that includes me.

But the Times is quite cruel defining 'the pet snore' as," that embarrassing phlegmy rumble that your poor pup is not even aware of, let alone able to control" I don't think my snoring is THAT bad!

"Snorestop for Pets is a homoeopathic solution to the involuntary din caused by allergies, weight gain and ageing." OK, so we all know why I snore... it's the joy of ageing!

Of course, while I may need it for my light snoring, the question is, will the Mistress be giving the human equivalent to the one person in the house who really needs it?! Because, let's face it, her other half can bring the house down with his nocturnal noises!

Woof Woof

Just What The Doctor Ordered

We haven’t seen The House of Tiny Tearaways because our home is child-free but friends of the Mistress have told her it is THE programme to watch – regardless of whether or not you have children. Apparently, it’s about out-of-control little darlings who have to spend time in a house with child behaviour expert, Dr Tanya Byron. And Doctor T sorts them out.

Now I’m no expert on children – although we dogs can be VERY wise – but I may have just the answer for those naughty nippers! Oh yes. And it’s a combination of two things – a dog and…walking!

Clever or what? And what makes me so sure of this solution? Well, according to research published by The Good Dog Campaign (GDC) www.gooddogcampaign.co.uk, dog owners are three times more likely to go walking two or three times a week as a family than people who don’t have dogs.

And what do out-of-control people need? Routine, routine, routine. And exercise. And what about unconditional love to boot? A dog will provide all of these. And more! It’s a win: win situation!

The findings are part of wider research about family-friendly dog walks in the UK.

I’ve written at length about my love of London – the Mistress takes me all over the capital and it is SO dog-friendly (particularly snack-wise) most of the time – so I was intrigued to see what got chosen as the top 10. Sadly, London didn’t get a look in, which is a great pity because millions of people (adults and children) and thousands of dogs live here! I think I will have to lobby these groups and show them just how fantastic London can be! Even for walkers – human and canine!

Anyway, the vote-winners are:

• Branston Waterpark, Staffordshire – All the family can enjoy this park with beautiful views of the
lake and many bird watching areas.
• Fort Victoria, Isle of Wight – Steeped in history and information, coastal walks and nature trails provide a fun outing for all the family.
• Horsell Common, Surrey – Open common land with superb footpaths. It was made famous by H.G. Wells and the landing of the aliens in “War of the Worlds”.
• Llanelli Millenium Coastal Park, South Wales – The coastal park’s biggest land reclamation project attracts 500,000 visitors a year.
• New Forest District Woodlands & Beaches, Hampshire – Walks through forests, woods and beaches, spotting cows, pigs and ponies running free in the forest.
• Oxford Island, Northern Ireland – A fantastic location providing great walks and facilities for all the family.
• Rutland Water, Leicestershire – Walk through the woods and hills enjoying an off-lead area, play parks, rock climbing, a butterfly area and bird hides.
• St Ann’s Well Gardens House, Hove – Provides a bit of the country in the middle of city, taking you down winding pathways and past ancient trees.
• Tiverton to Holcombe Rogus, Devon – A great family walk along a canal, through woods and farmland.
• Worden Park, Lancashire – Located in South Ribble, Worden Park extends to 63 hectares with many interesting features including a well-equipped play area.

I think Dr Tanya Byron sounds like a dog lover to me so I hope she’ll consider my suggestion seriously. Who knows, we could be watching Five Tiny Tearaways and Fido Go Mad in .... (you can fill in the appropriate walk above) in months to come? What do you reckon?

Woof Woof

Fat Chance of Survival

It’s been a depressing week for the NHS. News of its financial crisis (or crises, since there are so many) keeps hitting the headlines – redundancies, cancelled operations, overwhelming debt…I don’t need to tell you how long the list is, do I? The Government’s response is mixed or should that read hair-brained?

Last week it was announced that tubby teenagers or greedy minors will be given surgery to curb their eating habits ie they’ve got so chunky, so let’s stop them in their tracks. Now. Talk about closing the door after the horse has bolted and any other animal cliché you want to name…. Surgery is risky, expensive and not exactly failsafe. You only need to see Anne Diamond’s failure to lose the pounds (which she openly acknowledges) to know that surgery is NOT the answer.

One thing’s for sure – kids are definitely eating their way to an early grave. The Mistress had a meeting in Hammersmith last week and took me along. When we came home on the Tube, several teenagers – on their way home from school – were tucking into huge portions of chips. The Mistress and I stared at them; we both LOVE chips! I stared more, this is the Tube after all and you can’t have too much human eye contact – and drooled! The girls threw me a chip. Down in one. It didn’t even touch the sides. I continued drooling…

The Mistress told the girls that much as I looked like I wanted more, I couldn’t have any. The girls said fine and carried on eating. More kids got on at different stations, polystyrene packs in hand and more chips were consumed. You had to see it to believe it.

So whose fault is it that there’s an obesity crisis (for humans and pets!) and who should pick up the tab? One man trying to solve this conundrum is Steve Vaught. Like me, like the Mistress, he loves food. Any food. But he particularly loved bad food and too much food. He is now walking across the USA to a) lose weight and b) show the real choices available to most people. Check out his website, www.thefatmanwalking.com.

My only gripe is that he didn’t take a canine companion but I guess that would have complicated matters.

A couple of nights ago on Radio 5 he spoke – en route to New York – about how people eat to escape from themselves. Food is a great distraction and avoidance from experiencing painful feelings. And when do people feel most ill at ease? When they’re growing up! That’s when it all starts….

So, NHS managers, why not keep the surgeons gainfully employed with the necessary operations and help young people get happy and comfortable in their own skin? Perhaps it will stop disenchanted youths from being cruel to animals, too?! In the meantime, I am just terrified that gastric bands will be the next solution to portly pets…

Woof Woof