Woof Woofington

Hovering Pencil Syndrome Overcome - Boris Johnson Voted Mayor of London

So, the pencil hovering didn't stop Boris Johnson being voted in as the new Mayor of London, without doubt the greatest city in the world. Yes, I am biased! London was my home town for many, many years.

It's funny, we're no longer living in London en famille and I miss it. I miss the action and excitement. I miss the drama. I miss the snacks! But I don't miss the violence and the air of menace around so many of the streets in this great city. And believe me, as a dog - and a big dog at that - I can still be intimidated.

I don't know what I think about Boris Johnson to be honest, which isn't like me at all. The Mistress used to ADORE Ken Livingstone when she was younger. The highlight for her was sitting next to him in a restaurant in the South Bank when he was still leader of the GLC! She even voted for him to become Mayor, first time round.

As a great advocate of public transport, she thought Ken was King. But the death of the Routemaster and the introduction of the Congestion Charge in the West (but not in the East) were too much. As they made their speeches last night - Ken and Boris - it was clear who really loved London the best! Did you know that Boris was born in New York?!

I'm not sure that a clarion call of "Let's get cracking, let's have a drink!" was quite what Londoners were looking for last night from their new Mayor. It smacked of 1980s City boys to me. I half expected Harry 'LoadsaMoney' Enfield to pop up at the side of the stage and do a sketch.

Boris really is unchartered territory - for London - but the rest of the UK, hey, the rest of the world will be watching with interest.

I've realised that I don't even know what Boris's views on dogs are! This is crucial stuff. A quick search on the internet revealed a big fat nothing. My only hope is that if he has the ear of his sister, columnist and sometime-novelist, Rachel Johnson, he WILL think about the plight of the capital's canines. I've seen Rachel with her own dog, in Kensington Gardens, which is good news. Why? Because dog owners always know what's really going on. Even in Kensington Gardens! If you're out and about with your dog, you've got your ear to the ground of what life on the street is really like. Even in Notting Hell.

With Ken Livingstone as an out and proud newt and toad man (and a destroyer of pigeons!), maybe it's time to give someone else a chance? I've got half a mind to write to Boris to see what he has to say about dogs in the city.

There will be many people waking up this morning wondering what on earth the city has done (by voting in Boris). Well, let's see. The Mistress was on tenterhooks last night to see who won; it was the first time she really felt left out of her beloved London.

There was a great Gerald Scarfe cartoon on TV last night that showed Boris sitting on top of City Hall; it read - "Be careful what you wish for...you might just get it."

Let's hope that both London and Boris don't regret yesterday's election result and realise it simply was a joke that went too far.

Woof Woof

London Dog Owners Beware - Camden Could Be A Dog-Free Zone

Being a pooch around town, I tend to go wherever the Mistress does unless dogs are off limits. One of the Mistress's godchildren lives in the London Borough of Camden and so I have been known to pop in to say hello. Camden is also home to....Hampstead Heath and I have been there lots of times.

But such visits may, in future, become nigh on impossible. Apparently, Camden Council wants to introduce a Dog Control Order (see Camden New Journal's website - http://www.thecnj.co.uk/camden/022207/news022207_04.html- for all the details), "which would leave Camden’s 22,000 dog-lovers liable for heavy fines if they let dogs run free, walk them in ‘dog exclusion zones’, walk more than four at a time or fail to clear up their excrement."

Well, no responsible dog owner is going to quibble over the dog mess and dog-walkers' limit but what are 'dog exclusion zones'?

The council’s consultation document states: “Anyone who commits an offence under any of the provisions of the Dog Control Order may be liable on conviction in the magistrates court to a fine of up to £1,000. The council also intends to issue £80 Fixed Penalty Notices for Dog Control offences and anyone who fails to pay a Fixed Penalty Notice may be prosecuted.”

The council launched a consultation last week that will last until March 15, when the decision on whether or not to introduce the order will be taken. I don't know what to make of this but I wonder just how many dog owners realise that this could make a HUGE difference to their lives, particularly if they use the Heath.

Surely this is well-intended (tacking irresponsbile owners) but very badly executed? After all, if cottaging is allowed on the Heath, I think dogs should be allowed to enjoy the fresh air too!

Woof Woof

There's No Place Like Home

Lordy! A tornado in London! Yes, you read that right - the poor people (including the Mistress's godson) of Kensal Rise had a huge shock today when a tornado struck. Yes, a tornado! Of course, in the UK these aren't unusual but then again, they aren't an everyday occurence either. The Mistress's friend said the whole thing was extremely scary.

I bet those NW10 residents were all wishing for some ruby slippers like Dorothy's (Wizard of Oz, of course) so that they could just tap away the nightmare.

Fortunately, no one was killed - human or canine, which is a miracle when you see the damage and think what might have been....

I like to think that Toto is watching over the good folk of Kensal Rise and protecting them from further harm. No doubt there will be much speculation about the cause in the next few days...

Woof Woof

Get Stuffed

Slaughtered - that was the headline greeting Londoners today from the Evening Standard. Apparently, a 10 day old tiger cub was killed, stuffed and then sold in the capital for £20,000.

Yep! Some sicko had it as a “house ornament”! Apparently, when the tiger cub was seized by poachers it would have been unable to open it eyes. Nice!

Robert Sclare, who runs a taxidermy shop in Islington – called Get Stuffed – was jailed for six months but was that enough for someone who was peddling a stuffed wolf, a gorilla and a chimpanzee, amongst other things? And what about the buyers; surely they are culpable too?

But more shocking is the fact that our beloved city is doing a roaring trade in endangered species – particularly for the animals’ skins – so polar bears are also in peril, as well as rhinos and elephants.

I’m glad to see that super comedian Ricky Gervais is supporting the campaign to stop this nonsense:

“Don’t think you can ease your conscience with “It was already dead” or “It’s old or secondhand”. To purchase such goods is perpetuating and ensuring the market in killing species.”

Check out www.operationcharm.org, which is trying to stop this illegal trade in the capital. And if you see someone flogging such gear, give the police a tip off. The animals will thank you for it.

Woof Woof

My Card Is Marked

What do you like about London? Amongst all the things you feel you should say – great galleries, museums, blah blah blah, you probably like the fact that you can be anything and anyone you like because, chances are, you are unlikely to see the same people twice. Unless you commute to work but that’s a different story.

When the Mistress used to take me to her office, we used to see the same people on the bus everyday. So there was no hiding from them!

But, on the whole, London is anonymous and you feel pretty free. Well, those days are long gone for me. I’ve already got a reputation in our new area for being a bit gobby!

The Mistress had a delivery the other day and after a brief chat, it seemed the driver had seen us in the High Street. Well, he’d seen me getting into a fracas with another dog.

And then my new dog sitter knew who I was before the Mistress had time to explain where we lived! The dog sitter had seen me in action!

This is all combined with the fact that we now live within close proximity of several work colleagues of the Mistress’s other half, including one who has just moved next door with his partner. I gave them a warm welcome when they peered over the fence – well, it was loud and vocal and they were invading my space. I wanted to show them who was boss!

So now, the Mistress’s other half has lectured us both about our behaviour; (I told you the Mistress is quite forceful herself – think Grumpy Old Women). He has spoken; no street theatre!

Well that’s going to be a challenge for us all!

Woof Woof

It's Carnival Time

Notting Hill Carnival may well be the place to be this August Bank Holiday but ...not if you are a dog! Well, that's not strictly true; the Mistress made the mistake of bringing me home just after Carnival had ended and it was chicken carcass heaven. There were chicken bones...everywhere! I loved it. But that's greed talking because the streets were also full of broken glass and loads of other rubbish. There is a reason for plastic glasses at gigs and festivals....

The thing is if you live on the route and you love the music, then Europe's largest street party is great. The best. But late at night, if you're a child, older person or a dog, it's not so much fun, to be honest.

Carnival is always a contentious issue; the Mistress has been going since the 1980s (she's stayed close to home!) but it's become more commercial, year on year and now the Mayor of London is trying to get in on the act. He is hosting an alternative event in Hyde Park - maybe it's Carnival-lite - called Caribbean Showcase. Of course, it's upset loads of people.

Who knows what's the right thing to do? If you say you'd change the route of Carnival, it's heresy. But if you ask locals - I mean long-term residents not the bankers or pop stars who are the only people who can now afford the prices here - I reckon they'd say maybe it's time for a change.

One thing is for sure, there won't be any politicians trying to keep it real; they've learnt from William Hague! My advice is this - if you want street cred, you shouldn't try too hard. If you get to Carnival, great and if you don't, well there's always next year.

Woof Woof

Absolute Pets is Absolute Heaven

Lots of people in London say that they don't know their neighbours and unless they're really lucky, they probably don't know many people in their manor either. Most people are too busy going to and from work. In fact, it isn't just London as some recent research showed.

But children and dogs can make all the difference. Have dog, will...meet people!

The Mistress knows loads of people where we live - the majority of whom are acquaintances. Many of her close 'local' friends ie within half a mile, have slowly been moving out or moving on. We still have lots of excellent neighbours but when neighbours become friends, it's a different kind of relationship.

And so it was that one of the Mistress's closest friends jumped ship and left the area. For good. So we went to see her in her new pad, in South London! Well, actually, it's not really South London at all - it's still North of the River. Just. But what a place to live; five minutes from the Thames, two minutes from a huge park, 10 minutes from Richmond (and an even bigger park). I'm telling you, it's doggy heaven.

As we waited to be picked up from St Margaret's station, the Mistress decided we should stretch our legs. And how fortuitous it was because we found Absolute Pets.

It's a great, upmarket pet shop that sells lots of designer stuff. Now don't let that put you off - just because it's designer, doesn't mean it's for designer pets only. The shop owner welcomes the local cat, with its one eye and matted coat. That cat rules the shop and the resident Shi Tzu, Barney is happy to take second place.

This is a shop for people too; their selection of cards - pet-based, OBVIOUSLY, is superb.

So if you can get to St Margaret's, say Woof Woofington sent you (but I am not on commission). Their website is currently for information only www.absolutepetsltd.co.uk but it tells you all you need to know.

Even though the Mistress doesn't live there, she likes to support local businesses and I think her head's been turned. I think she rather fancies the neighbourhood and I think it's only a matter of time before we start getting details of garden flats in TW1.

Talking of flats, the Mistress's friend (and her other half) have struck gold! So all in all it St Margaret's gets the thumbs up!

Woof Woof

Mr Allen, I presume?

As Woody Allen fans will doubtless be aware, the Oscar-winning director is back in London to shoot his third film in our great city. Match Point and Scoop, both of which starred Scarlett Johansson, are already in the can. But it won't be third time lucky for Scarlett and Woody because Mr Allen has a new muse, none other than a young whippersnapper from West London - Hayley Atwell.

And now, not-yet-20 years old, Hayley has got her first major role starring opposite Mr Ewan McGregor no less.

And guess what? The Mistress and I caught all the action! Yes, we did.

It all started on Friday morning when the Mistress was rushing through Paddington Station and met a neighbour walking in the opposite direction. As they exchanged hellos, they noticed a very familiar figure walk right past them...none other than Woody Allen! They could hardly contain their excitement. The director was sussing out the location for a particular scene.

Sadly, the Mistress had no time to linger as she was late for an appointment but she phoned her mother - also en route to Paddington, but by train - and told her about the possible excitement!

Several hours later, the Mistress and I met the her mother at Paddington AND we got the chance to see the aforementioned scene being filmed - several times over. We stood next to the extras and I think the Mistress was hoping that I would get a call for action. I don't belong to the doggy version of Equity but I am sure it could have been arranged. I would have gladly done it for free, too. No questions asked!

Sadly, no opportunity for global stardom this time but I did get to see a film being made. Did I tell you that I've already appeared on GMTV and This Morning? It was a LONG time ago but I have graced those famous sofas...

The Mistress is a lifelong fan of Woody Allen's films, as is her mother so they were fascinated to see him in action. Of course, everyone else in the station was focused on Mr McGregor, who was just delightful. He happily posed for photos with fans and signed numerous autographs between scenes.

When the Mistress recounted this to a friend, he was incredulous that she had not phoned the photo desks of some national newspapers, celebrity magazines and a couple of picture agencies such as Big Pictures to boot. Just think of the contacts, he said! But to tell the truth, she was enjoying the moment and enjoying watching her beloved city being filmed by a director she admires. She didn't feel the need to turn it into a networking opportunity - although she could have done with the cash. Perhaps next time...

Maybe she's the loser, maybe not. Personally, I would have just loved the chance to meet a real film director. And, of course, in my own inimitable way, I could have said: “Aha, Mr Allen, I presume?”

Woof Woof

NIMBY? Not unless you have a tail and spots...

What do you think of when you hear the word NIMBY? Uptight English folk – in the suburbs or beyond – resenting the arrival of gypsies (sorry, travellers), foreigners (genuine asylum seekers, possible criminals let out for good behaviour), care in the community cases? In other words, anyone who isn’t “one of us”.

No-one living in London can comprehend the concept of nimby-ism (or is it nimby-ness?); we all rub along, rich or poor, human or animal, English, British, European, African, South American, Australian and so on...and so on.

Our next-door neighbours on one side are Sudanese; on the other, Irish. And we get along just fine, thank you!

Of course, tensions boil over in the capital but, apart from angry residents opposing late closing hours for trendy pubs (like The Pineapple in Kentish Town) or dodgy planning regs (Stella McCartney’s outdoor shower), we simply get on with it.

Apart, that is, from some poor (as in unfortunate because they are far from cash-starved!) people in Peckham, who could be described as NIMBYS. One of their neighbours has something unwelcome in his garden but I think , for once, their protests are totally justified. Local council chiefs said his garden ‘lodgers’ had to go but local magistrates have overruled the council and said the residents will just have to put up and shut up.

And who or what is in this man’s garden in a quiet residential street? Why none other than leopards – yes, you read that right – cloud leopards kept in 12ft high cages! Just imagine looking out of your bedroom on a balmy summer’s night, wondering whether the leopards would be able to jump in and say hello.

Or what if you wanted to have a barbecue? Would that be total torment for these poor creatures who clearly don’t get a good walk from one end of the year to another!

And who is this neighbour from hell? (Well, I’m sure that’s what they must have branded him by now...) According to the Evening Standard, Todd Dalton is an “internet entrepreneur” who has made his money from “tinned crocodile curry, snake vodka and Viagra alternatives made from hornets”. OK then. So he is wild animal sybarite perhaps? He says he is committed to conservation but I reckon he’s breeding these leopards for some new gourmet venture!

Mr Dalton is forthright in his own defence:

“These animals are not pets. It is not like you could buy them. I am registered with a European breeding programme and have permission to look after them.”

So that’s ok then. Forget safaris in Africa – home of the big cats – it seems you can get to see some fierce felines in Peckham. Who’d have thought it?!

Woof Woof

Why are cyclists so angry?

This is what I have found myself wondering this week. Well, of course, I see cyclists in action all over London but this week seems to have been particularly bad. Is it the weather? Kensington Gardens used to be a cycle-free zone so dogs, children, friends and families could run around at their leisure. Then came the rollerbladers. They killed a dog. And then came the cyclists. They have designated paths in the park and woe betide anyone or anything that gets in their way. You can expect a torrent of abuse that would make Gordon Ramsay sound positively angelic. Of course, I know that not all cyclists are bad - in the same way that not all dogs are good! So, no ranting please...

However, the cyclists now use all the other paths - the ones where dog owners and mothers with children were forced to retreat AWAY from the maniacs on their bikes. Now, although pedestrians have right of way on most cycle paths in the park, including the Broad Walk, most people will give in to the cyclists. And step aside pretty sharpish when they are approaching.

Yesterday we were walking through a gate next to a cycle path, which was closed. So what do the cyclists do? They use the pedestrian gate, ring their bells and generally scream abuse if you – the pedestrian (people and dogs use their feet!) - happen to be walking in your designated space. The Mistress was furious and lost her temper with an even angrier cyclist. And the language! I had to cover my ears! And believe me, the Mistress’s words can be pretty x-rated if she’s cross! But it was the cyclist’s words – as she shouted and screamed at anyone who got in her way – that were truly shocking. Which leads me to wonder, why are they all so angry?

Thank goodness, however, that they are only on two wheels rather than four. Can you imagine the carnage if these lunatic rogue cyclists decided that cars were the only way forward? It doesn’t bear thinking about.

Woof Woof