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All Fur Coat and No Knickers

So Pete Burns has had his fur coat seized from the Big Brother House by local police. I can confirm that London’s new Dog Squad had nothing to do with “Gorillagate”.

Apparently, hundreds of viewers rang up to complain about the coat after Pete declared he was ‘thrilled’ it upset Jodie Marsh. Well, it seems it upset a lot of other people too.

And now there is news that if the coat is indeed Gorilla as opposed to regular monkey (err, don’t really get the difference but hey!), Pete could be facing up to five years in jail.

Well, folks that’s a complete waste of your money. If guilty, the only punishment Mr Burns would deserve is to be filmed with his make up off. Yes, apparently, he has had it written into his contract that he will not be shown sans maquillage! I ask you!

What a big girl’s blouse he is! Sadly, Pete, you have shown that you are, indeed, all fur coat and no knickers.

After Catgate, it seems it's the animals who are having the last laugh in the House!

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It’s DIY everything now!

OK, OK, so you humans are used to DIY as a concept and retailers love you for it. DIY furniture – yes, IKEA started because it realised it was cheaper to get you lot to assemble your own tables and chairs! DIY banking – internet banking is all about DIY – why get a person in a bank to look after your money when you can manage it all yourself? And they won’t pay you for it, either! What about DIY ticket booking, insurance quotes, even restaurant reservations – yes, no need to call someone in a call centre in India – you can do it all yourself, online, no hassle. And I do believe that some people can even manage their mobile phone account by themselves!

But how does this work in real, everyday life? Surely there are some things that need professionals. Like..police! Surely we’re not doing DIY policework too? Well, of course, there is Neighbourhood Watch, City Guardians and yes, now, in London it’s DIY policing of a kind. Only the Met hasn’t asked you people to do it, oh no, it’s down to the dogs!!!

Yes, DogWatch or Dog Squad is the brainchild of police in Hampstead – getting owners and their hounds to look out for anything suspicious! Forget Miami Vice, the Bill, LAPD because now we have, in London, the Pooch Police.

And if the scheme is deemed a success, it will be extended wider in the Capital.

Well, all good and well but as any dog owner knows, dogs and their walkers have been the eyes and ears of the streets for years. Want to know what’s really happening in a street near you? Ask a dog person. Want to know which celebrities live near you? Ask a dog person. Want to know where the crime hotspots are? Ask a dog person.

But some police (Royal Parks police, are you listening?) make sure that they ignore the advice of the doggy folk on their patch. Since cyclists were allowed into Kensington Gardens, dog owners and others who use the park on a day-to-day basis, have continued to voice their concern. Cyclists don’t care about sticking to the designated paths and if you dare say anything to them, you can be sure you will get a mouthful of abuse in return. Just today the Mistress heard about a dog that was nearly killed in the park because a cyclist ran over it.

So, my advice is this, police of London town; if you want us to do your hard work for you, then make sure you look after your new recruits!

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