Woof Woofington

Taxpayers' money well spent?

"Now, what did my coach tell me to say?"

In these credit crunch times, every penny counts.  Many British folk are bemused by the Government's handling of the current economic crisis.  Billions have been given to banks (who are slow to pass on rate cuts to their customers) yet life-saving drugs are still not available on the NHS.  Hmmm.  And now, if you've saved your hard-earned cash... forget any decent interest rates.  You might as well not have bothered.

Let's face it, despite Gordon Brown's personal commitment to beating child poverty, the recent spate of headlines can only confirm one thing.  Failure.  Paul Abbott's Shameless is no longer fiction; it's a reality right across the land.

If you think I'm being overly harsh, just put it down to me being a grumpy old girl.  In today's Times, an article caught my eye.  British Taxpayers have been footing the bill for Home Secretary, Jacqui Smith to have "executive coaching" while Secretary of State for Culture, Media and Sport has had some help with his public speaking (via media training).  And don't laugh but Lord Mandelson has had training on using "one of the BlackBerry devices issued by the Department".  And last but not least and by far my favourite, you've also paid for Hazel Blears to learn Spanish - she's Local Government Secretary - so the Spanish will come in handy. 

But the question is this... why should the British Taxpayer finance such things?  That's clearly what Greg Hands, MP wants to know.  Surely, if training is required for politicians to learn how to...talk to their constituents, the party faithful should cough up? Or, the MPs get themselves a Career Development Loan; I hear the rates are quite competitive!

Woof Woof

Oh Hillary! Mrs Clinton Pulls Out of The Presidential Race

So, Hillary Clinton has realised that - for now - she will not be the first female President of the United States. The departure was a long time coming, in some people's eyes and let's not kid ourselves, there were probably machinations, recriminations and ultimately, resignation when it was clear that Barack Obama had pulled it off.

So why did Hillary lose?  According to today's Sunday Times, it was arrogance and complacency and underestimating her fiercest opponent.  Was it her internet campaign (that's it, blame technology!)?  Or was it her advisors who, it seems, really didn't have a grasp of just what was needed to secure the nomination.  

One thing is for sure - America's truly most powerful woman, Ms Oprah Winfrey - will be glad she backed the right candidate.  Did Oprah's influence swing it for Barack?

Personally, I already know the real reason.  If only Hillary had listened to my advice earlier!  She needed to bring the Clinton dog into the campaign.  He would have won it for her, paws down!  Just look at Bill and Buddy; that's pure gold campaigning!

Oh well, there's always next time.  Isn't there?

Woof Woof

Let's Go Shopping with our 'John Lewis List' and The Public Purse

The Mistress reckons she's in the wrong job.

This morning on Radio Five Live, the presenters were talking about the fact that British MPs can get their second homes paid for by the British Taxpayer. And how! Since the Freedom of Information Act, the British public is beginning to see exactly where its money is going...

Since most MPs' constituencies are a long way from their own homes, they get an allowance to help with their second home ie where they go at weekends to do their constituency work. The Additional Costs Claims Guide - known as the "John Lewis List" - is used by Parliamentary officials to determine whether an expenditure claim submitted by an MP is reasonable. MPs can claim items up to £23,000 per year.

As an example, you can claim up to a grand (£1,000) for a bed. For a bed! Imagine what sort of bed she could buy ME for that sort of cash.

In a conveyor belt-like shopping list, not unlike the Generation Game, you really do think those MPs really haven't ever had it so good...here's the list in full:

Air conditioning unit - £299.99

Bed - £1,000.00

Bedside cabinet - £100.00

Bookcase/shelf - £200.00

Bookcase/cabinet - £500.00

Carpet - £35.00 per square metre

Carpet fitting - £6.50 per square metre

Coffee maker/machine - £100.00

Coffee table - £250.00

Dining armchairs (each) - £150.00

Dining chairs (each) - £90.00

Dining table - £600.00

Dishwasher - £375.00

Drawer chest (five) - £500.00

Dressing table - £500.00

Dry cleaning - both personal and household [items] are allowable within reasonable limits

Food mixer - £200.00

Freestanding mirror - £300.00

Fridge/freezer combi - £550.00

Gas cooker - £650.00

Hi-fi/stereo - £750.00

Installation of new bathroom - £6,335.00

Installation of new kitchen - £10,000.00

Lamp table - £200.00

Nest of tables - £200.00

Recordable DVD - £270.00

Rugs (each) - £300.00

Shredder - £50.00

Sideboard - £795.00

Suite of furniture - £2,000.00

Television set - £750.00

Tumble dryer - £250.00

Underlay (basic) - £6.99 per square metre

Wardrobe - £700.00

Washer dryer - £500.00

Washing machine - £350.00

Wooden flooring/carpets - £35.00 per square metre

Workstation - £150.00

Personal items not allowed - for example: hairdryers or hairstylers, shavers, toothbrushes, toiletries and bathrobes.

Any form of payment protection or illness cover is not claimable from ACA in relation to mortgage payments.

In order for a member to claim the mortgage interest against his ACA home, his/her name must appear on the mortgage.

Garden furniture such as patio sets, loungers and barbecues are not allowed.

Basic garden maintenance is allowed, but plants, shrubs, flowers, hanging baskets or other decorations etc are not.

Let me tell you, these prices aren't cheap! These sums will buy you some top quality gear! And if the Mistress did become an MP, I could enter Westminster Dog of the Year competition. I know I'd win. So, I think it's time for us to do some serious lobbying to get on a List. Once the Parliamentary seat selectors meet me, I am sure they'd think we were a dream ticket.

Woof Woof

Disgraced Tory MP, Derek Conway, Is A (Fat) Cat Man

So, Derek Conway, suspended Tory MP for Old Bexley and Sidcup, has been caught out. His sons have, apparently, been paid hefty sums for doing not very much. The story is running and running because, of course, it's British Taxpayers' money that has been funding the Conway Family Firm.

I don't know what to make of it all but here's a thing; did you know Mr Conway once headed the cat charity, Cats Protection (or CPL - Cats Protection League, as it was known then). His tenure was short and sweet; or was it? Why did he leave? Did he jump or was he pushed? I think we should be told.

Questions, questions, questions! So, given that everyone is innocent until proven guilty, let's hope that this incident is not a return of the Tory Fat Cats. That would NEVER do!!! Surely, Dave aka Mr Cameron would not stand for it.

In the meantime, I can't help thinking what might have been if a former dog charity boss had been caught but then again, it just wouldn't have happened.

Woof Woof

"I wonder where it all went wrong..." Steve McClaren or Gordon Brown?

Well, in case you were in any doubt, those were the words of Steve McClaren - England's Manager, just after Croatia sent us OUT, yes, OUT of Euro 2008. We have not qualified.

Apparently, according to the Mistress's other half, failure to get through will have cost the British economy a cool billion pounds in lost revenue.

And the other top news is millions of Britons' personal details have been pinched in the mother of all data security breaches. Who is to blame? The junior clerk who will be the fall guy? The Head of HM Revenue and Customs, who has resigned? The civil servants concerned? The Chancellor? The Prime Minister?

People are calling for resignations but so far, no Minister has put up their hand.

Tonight, after the shockingly poor performance by England, there are calls for McClaren to resign but Steve has made it clear that his position is not for discussion. On the BBC, they speculated that he will be pushed rather than jump. Well, what about the Head of the FA (Football Association)? Surely they have some culpability too?

Tomorrow, could be Resignation Thursday.

In the meantime, I can answer Steve McClaren's question. By failing to choose Paul Robinson, a dog owner, after all, he put too much pressure on Scott Carson's shoulders.

Tony Blair used to be called Teflon Tony but I reckon the new Prime Minister, Chancellor and England Manager are all pretty resilent and like the proverbial rubber ball, they keep bouncing back. But maybe today was a test too far. For all of them. Next?!

Woof Woof

Christmas Cards Gordon Brown Style

Gordon Bennett, people are already talking about Christmas cards! Actually, I meant to say talking about Gordon Brown's choice of Christmas card this year. And let's face it, it probably was NOT our new Prime Minister who chose it but his media-savvy wife, Sarah Brown.

The Browns are very sensibly, in my opinion, moving away from the "it's all about me/us" approach to festive greetings (Mr and Mrs Blair take note!). Let's face it, everyone HATES a round robin and smug family shot just gets up everyone's nose. Cute as I am, the Mistress has never sent a photo of me as a yuletide greeting; it's just not cricket, is it?!

Anyway, even though Gordon Brown is not flavour of the month in our house - (well, the Mistress's other half has no time for him), I think he's created a double whammy in getting HIS Christmas card spot on this year. First, he's chosen much-loved Children's artist and writer, Shirley Hughes to design the image. Second, all proceeds will go to Booktrust (www.booktrust.org.uk), a charity that "encourages people of all ages and backgrounds to discover and enjoy reading". (The Mistress LOVES Shirley Hughes; when she was a child, she met the artist and we now have a picture of My Naughty Little Sister and Bad Harry tucking into trifle - like me, the Mistress has been obsessed with food!) And third, so that's three reasons, he's included a dog and a cat! OK, so the cat is a bit of a mistake but by including both those clever Browns have ensured that they 'speak' to all those dog and cat owners in the UK.

What a brilliant strategy. And at a time when Gordon Brown is at an all-time low in the polls, I reckon his Christmas card choice will send his ratings sky high.

Woof Woof

Tony Blair To Become A Roman Catholic

So, all roads lead to Rome and it seems that former Prime Minister, Tony Blair, has decided that the Roman Catholic path is the one for him.

No one should be surprised. His wife and four children are all Catholics - and practising ones at that. Tony was the odd one out.

Hmmmm. Alastair Campbell, the man who REALLY ran Britain, once said, "We don't do God" and, possibly, as a result, Tony was not out and proud with his Catholic credentials.

But now, since he is no longer in a place where he can be put on the spot about the role that God plays in his life, Tony is finally converting. Allegedly!

The Mistress is frustrated; as a Catholic, she can't see how such a war-mad politician can get away with it (and be accepted) but hey, anything goes, it seems, with today's Church.

According to The Daily Telegraph of three years ago //www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2004/10/15/ncath15.xml, a Catholic CAN be Prime Minister (just in case you thought, like Royalty, that it wasn't allowed):

"Although Britain has never had a Catholic prime minister, there is no constitutional bar to Mr Blair converting while in Downing Street. However, constitutional historians have said that such a development could prove awkward and could affect the relationship between Church and State. As Prime Minister, Mr Blair makes recommendations to the Queen on the appointment of Church of England bishops. Church spokesmen insisted, however, that this was a State rather than religious duty, and the Prime Minister's religious affiliations need not be a difficulty."

In the same article, we get glimpse of Blair's thinking:

"Fr Russ, the parish priest of the Immaculate Heart of Mary in nearby Missenden, Berks, told a newspaper that Mr Blair had raised the issue of conversion over lunch.

"When he asked me, it was in the abstract," the priest said. "It wasn't, 'Can I become a Catholic?' but, 'Can the Prime Minister of Britain be a Catholic?' He said Mr Blair would be "freer to consider the matter" after he had left office. "But even if he resigns or whatever, I doubt he has the 'necessary' to join the Catholic Church.

"It is always a work of grace," said Fr Russ.

"He would probably have a lot going for him, but he also has to change a lot."

Hmmmm. A leopard can't change his spots and I doubt Blair has changed that much.

Personally, I judge the measure of a man by his dog. Blair is dog-less. That, to my mind, says it all. Even the Pope had a pet (cat).

Woof Woof

Dave 'The Deer Hunter' Cameron

Just when Film Four are running their Robert De Niro season, news comes out that there's another high profile deer hunter in our midsts. David Cameron, it seems, is a crack shot with a gun and can kill a deer with skill!

According to www.thisislondon.co.uk, "The Conservative leader regularly goes deerstalking and is one of the few marksmen skilled enough to shoot two stags in one go."Well done, him!

But read further and it's soon clear that they are trying to get Dave's skeletons out of the closet asap:
"Conservative chiefs will hope that news of his hunting and shooting exploits will have as little impact on his popularity as the drug expose: a week later, his poll ratings increased."

Errr...no chance. No one gives a toss whether David Cameron smoked one spliff or two or even whether he dabbled in any class As. Just look at Kate Moss; the cocaine scandal just got her more work than ever! But killing Bambi's relatives? Forget it. If Dave is going after the female vote, animal killing really doesn't go down very well. And it seems that Dave, presenting himself as the urban cool guy with a conscience, is very much man of the country.

"Asked about hunting, shooting and fishing when he was selected as Tory MP for Witney in rural Oxfordshire, where field sports are popular with activists, he declared: 'I take part in the first two but haven't got the patience for the third.'

"During last year's Conservative leadership contest, Mr Cameron, who has foxhunted in the past, told one pro-hunting Tory MP: 'You must vote for me because I am the only candidate to have hunted with two mounted packs.'

"He has shown his commitment to field sports by promising a fresh Commons vote on reversing the hunting ban if he becomes Prime Minister, one of his few firm policy pledges."

Oh dear! However much experts use the argument that fox hunting, deer stalking and other bloodsports are effective ways of keeping animal populations in check, urbanites won't buy it! (And not everyone in the country is a tally-hoer either.)

Dave, a bit of an own goal, I think! It will be fascinating to see how this is spun out.

Woof Woof

Hillary Rodham Clinton to Run for President

Oh my! Oh my! Miss Hillary has finally announced what everyone suspected all along - she's going to run for President. Yes, Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton (wife of former President, Bill Clinton - in case you were in any doubt) has started the race. So, one of the many questions I have is...will Condi (Condoleezza Rice) now declare her intention too? And then it would be girl on girl action, which may please the boys!

But I digress. This is an important step not only for US politics but for global politics, too. Yes, there are and have been several female leaders but never of a superpower. This is, literally, the mother of all jobs if you can bag it.

But I fear Hillary is already missing a trick. If you look at her website (http://www.hillaryclinton.com/feature/in), she has a small video of her at home with photos of the family tucked away in the background. Behind Hillary, sits a small dog statue but that's it for the doggy references. So where's Seamus?

Well, who's Seamus? you may be wondering. Well, he's the chocolate Labrador that Hillary bought for Bill when their other Labrador, Buddy got run over near the Clintons home. And Buddy met the same fate as the Clintons’ previous dog, Zeke, a cocker spaniel, who was also killed by a car.

To quote Oscar Wilde from The Importance of Being Earnest (sort of) "To lose one dog, Mr. Clinton, may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness."

But I mustn't focus on Bill; this ISN'T about Bill, anymore, is it? No, no, no! It's about Hillary. And if Hillary wants to win, she needs to adopt some sharp strategies. And fast.

So, my advice is this - take just one leaf out of President George Bush's book (Dubbya's - obviously) and get a website set up just for Seamus. Oh yes! Take a look at the White House website, which features the Presidential pooch, Barney (http://www.whitehouse.gov/barney), and Miss Beazley (also a Scottie but owned by the First Lady, Mrs Laura Bush).

You may think this is frivolity but remember, for many people, their dogs are their family. And if Hillary wants to win all the votes she can, she needs to show that she does indeed understand the needs of America's 60 million (at least) hounds and their owners.

Mark my words, if you get Seamus in the picture (literally), you'll go a long way Hillary. Maybe even all the way to the White House...

Woof Woof

David Blunkett – Tax Expert Extraordinaire

So, former Home Secretary, David Blunkett, has ensured that his recently published diaries (The Blunkett Tapes) will not be subject to the usual tax burden. Instead, Mr Blunkett has – apparently – put the earnings into a private company, which means he does not pay as much to his old sparring partner, the Chancellor of the Exchequer. Smart move!

Apparently, this is totally legit' and intended purely as a means of getting cash to his sons (including his love child by The Spectator publisher, Kimberley Quinn).

Well, so what if he uses his knowledge and expertise to bypass any unnecessary tax? Isn’t that what New Labour is all about? Say one thing but do another? In the meantime, I sincerely hope Mr Blunkett has also set aside a tidy sum for his guide dogs. A guide dog doesn’t work until it goes to the big kennel in the sky; oh no, they are officially retired after a certain age. Let’s hope Lucy, Sadie and all the others see some of those sidelined earnings too. After all, it would only be fair after years of loyal service, wouldn’t it?

Woof Woof